1. Posted: June 10, 2016In:

    In a dust chocked world where the rich live in air ships and the poor in muck a dethroned princess and desperate criminal must join forces to stop a megalomaniac from seizing absolute control.

    dpg Singularity

    Seems kind of similar to "Elysium", where a lucky 1% literally live above the unlucky 99%.The objective goal, such as it is, is cast in a negative framework, to stop a megalomaniac.So they stop the megalomaniac. ?What about the unlucky 99% ?living in the muck? ?Do they have any stakes in that outcomRead more

    Seems kind of similar to “Elysium”, where a lucky 1% literally live above the unlucky 99%.

    The objective goal, such as it is, is cast in a negative framework, to stop a megalomaniac.

    So they stop the megalomaniac. ?What about the unlucky 99% ?living in the muck? ?Do they have any stakes in that outcome? ?Or do they remain stuck in the muck?

    It seems to me that the objective goal should be framed in positive terms. ?That is, royalty and rogue join forces to overthrow the megalomaniac, and the ruling 1% in order to liberate the 99%. ?

    I suggest putting a positive spin in the logline (and script) — it provides a stronger selling point to movie makers, and a stronger reason for movie viewers to watch the film.

    fwiw.

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  2. Posted: June 8, 2016In:

    A witty half human, half dog character is discovered by a teenage boy and must kill the boy to protect his secret but instead befriends the boy.

    dpg Singularity

    The concept, while interesting, begs a question: ?how did this hybrid species comes to be?It seems to me that although this is a comedy, the friendship needs a stronger motivation. ?Maybe something relating to the half-and-half's origins. ?Like maybe, he makes friends with the boy because he needs hRead more

    The concept, while interesting, begs a question: ?how did this hybrid species comes to be?

    It seems to me that although this is a comedy, the friendship needs a stronger motivation. ?Maybe something relating to the half-and-half’s origins. ?Like maybe, he makes friends with the boy because he needs his help to find his genetic-engineer maker for some reason.

    I dunno. Other than that the friendship should be more than incidental bonding . ?It should be motivated by a desperate need.

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  3. Posted: June 9, 2016In:

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    dpg Singularity

    Dkpough1:Thanks again for posting another challenging Classic film to logline. ?Once again, you raise important questions about the art & craft of loglines. ?After reviewing both sides, ?and re-viewing the 1st 1/2 hour of the film, I am inclined to side with Nir Shelter on technical grounds.HoweRead more

    Dkpough1:

    Thanks again for posting another challenging Classic film to logline. ?Once again, you raise important questions about the art & craft of loglines. ?

    After reviewing both sides, ?and re-viewing the 1st 1/2 hour of the film, I am inclined to side with Nir Shelter on technical grounds.

    However:

    Sarah Connor’s roommate is not ‘terminated’ until 30 minutes into the story. So I would not consider that the inciting incident. ?Technically speaking, ?the inciting incident occurs ?around the 15 minute mark when the Terminator starts killing every “Sarah Connor” in the L.A. phone directory.

    However:

    I view this as a plot that literally hits the ground running, from the moment the Terminator lands buck naked in Griffith Observatory.?And it seems to me that ?whenever possible, ?describing the “sizzle” in a logline ?is more effective than describing the “steak”. ?I think that details of the “steak” of this story, ?what constitutes the inciting incident is, well, incidental.

    So here’s my take:

    A waitress must fight for her life when a cyborg assassin arrives from the future to kill her before she conceives the liberator-to-be of mankind in a post-apocalyptic world ruled by machines.
    (32 words)

    Notes:
    “Conceives” ?rather than “gives birth to” because it saves 2 words; the same outcome is obvious
    .
    “Liberator-to-be” rather than “lead humanity in a rebellion” because again it’s shorter. ?And because it more clearly defines why the android has been sent back in time to?kill her. ?For the machines of the future, her son is not just another pain-in-the-oil-pan rebel — he represents their downfall, their doom. ?For them, preemptively eliminating him is a matter of survival. ?The machines are motivated.

    “Post-apocalyptic”: the preamble of the movie establishes a post-nuclear war world ?of machine domination. ?Post-apocalyptic is the common shorthand to describe whenever/however our future is f####d.

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