1. Posted: June 5, 2016In:

    When a flippant prankster is ripped off by crazy scammer he seeks compensation but inadvertently starts a relationship with the scammer?s even crazier assistant.

    DylanK Logliner

    You're putting a lot into this log line, and it feels bogged down. ?Ultimately this feels like a story about a man getting into a relationship with a crazy girl who scammed him. ?It feels like you should simplify your pitch. ?I don't need to know he's a prankster, or that there's a crazy scammer thaRead more

    You’re putting a lot into this log line, and it feels bogged down. ?Ultimately this feels like a story about a man getting into a relationship with a crazy girl who scammed him. ?It feels like you should simplify your pitch. ?I don’t need to know he’s a prankster, or that there’s a crazy scammer that the girl works for. ?Just the man and the girl

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  2. Posted: June 5, 2016In:

    When a gang member triumphs murder charges in his grandson’s death several times, a retired mob boss declares war against a young and powerful gang leader for control over the city’s corrupt legal system.

    DylanK Logliner

    I too am confused by this log line. ?It's the sentence structure. ?The first sentence uses the words "triumphs murder charges". ?I know what you mean by this, but it takes thinking about. ?This story seems to be about two rival criminals fighting over control of a corrupt legal system. ?Right now thRead more

    I too am confused by this log line. ?It’s the sentence structure. ?The first sentence uses the words “triumphs murder charges”. ?I know what you mean by this, but it takes thinking about. ?This story seems to be about two rival criminals fighting over control of a corrupt legal system. ?Right now that’s not very clear. ?Also, I’m not sure I’m right about what I think this film is about. ?I’d like to be sure.

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  3. Posted: June 6, 2016In:

    A lawsuit for his wife?s injury offers a homeless group leader a ticket out? until a member of his flock threatens to testify. Now he must resort to extreme measure to stop him.

    Best Answer
    DylanK Logliner

    This concept sounds like an interesting drama. ?But the story revolving around homeless people doesn't work for me. ?I would prefer to see this story told around people just like me trapped in a train station and struggling to survive as their personal conflicts escalate out of control. ?That wouldRead more

    This concept sounds like an interesting drama. ?But the story revolving around homeless people doesn’t work for me. ?I would prefer to see this story told around people just like me trapped in a train station and struggling to survive as their personal conflicts escalate out of control. ?That would feel like a story ripe with social commentary and interesting ideas. ?And I could easily buy that regular people could be trapped at a train station. ?Especially a small one in the winter.

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