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An interstellar hitman is forced together with an intrepid, young archeologist in a race against a ruthless mercenary group to find the legendary fortune of an ancient civilization.
I saw the earlier post, and original log line, so I know?you've done a ton of development on this. ?With both this new version, and the previous version it feels like you have a lot going on in the story. ?It's a big story, so you want to tell us about the big pieces. ?But I think from the start youRead more
I saw the earlier post, and original log line, so I know?you’ve done a ton of development on this. ?With both this new version, and the previous version it feels like you have a lot going on in the story. ?It’s a big story, so you want to tell us about the big pieces. ?But I think from the start you’ve been telling us too much. ?This is a journey story. ?He needs money, lots of it, and is on a quest to get it. ?Big bad guys are in the way. ?While I’m certain the archeologist plays a key roll in the script, it’s likely the B story love interest. ?With this much going on, try just focusing on the A story.
See lessA mute street performer with PTSD, trapped and on the run in war-torn Europe, must use his wits and talents, and enlist the help of the French Resistance, to change the course of the second World War.
Both the new log line and the original give the impression this is a big story with lots of moving parts. ?But at it's heart this feels like a story about a mute guy trying to tell people about concentration camps. ?I think if you focus on that you'll hook your audience and get your message across.
Both the new log line and the original give the impression this is a big story with lots of moving parts. ?But at it’s heart this feels like a story about a mute guy trying to tell people about concentration camps. ?I think if you focus on that you’ll hook your audience and get your message across.
See lessIn 1915, after a promising Australian sprinter spurns athletic glory for military glory by enlisting in the Great War, he must survive the carnage of the doomed Gallipoli campaign in Turkey.
How is this different than the film Gallipoli staring Mel Gibson from 1981? ?In that film the log line is "Two Australian sprinters face the brutal realities of war when they are sent to fight in the Gallipoli campaign in Turkey during World War I." As you see from that film's log line you can simplRead more
How is this different than the film Gallipoli staring Mel Gibson from 1981? ?In that film the log line is “Two Australian sprinters face the brutal realities of war when they are sent to fight in the Gallipoli campaign in Turkey during World War I.”
As you see from that film’s log line you can simplify your own.
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