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A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.
"A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime."Consider excluding?faces complex emotions and life-changing choices?and?who gave his life fighting. ?What you'll have left arRead more
“A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.”
Consider excluding?faces complex emotions and life-changing choices?and?who gave his life fighting. ?What you’ll have left are some key components you’ve already touched on: the MC, an inciting incident, and the antagonist.
Now all you have to do is say exactly what the MC does in response to this regime causing her mentor’s death; what specific action must the MC take that can take the place of?faces complex emotions and life-changing choices?
And if you must keep?who gave his life fighting,?try rewriting that in active voice instead of passive.
See less(REVISED) When an antisocial apocalypse ?prepper? is the only person in her small town uninfected by a virus transmitted through the trial of a ?telepathic phone?, she must stop preparing for the world?s end and start saving it.
?When an antisocial apocalypse ?prepper? is the only person in her small town uninfected by a virus transmitted through the trial of a ?telepathic phone?, she must stop preparing for the world?s end and start saving it.?Yes, I too suggest omitting ...transmitted through the trial of a ?telepathic phRead more
?When an antisocial apocalypse ?prepper? is the only person in her small town uninfected by a virus transmitted through the trial of a ?telepathic phone?, she must stop preparing for the world?s end and start saving it.?
Yes, I too suggest omitting …transmitted through the trial of a ?telepathic phone?, after virus. Consider describing the virus, too, for dramatic effect.
…she must stop preparing for the world?s end and start saving it.? ??That’s vaguely interesting – if that makes sense; it sounds good/catchy, but does not say much. Narrow it down to specifics: how exactly or what must she do to start saving it?
Hope this was of some ?help to you.
See lessAfter a successful suicide attempt, the spirit of a failed actor joins forces with a mediocre comedian to create a Tony-worthy Broadway production.
Hello Castler Media, Neat logline. There's nothing I see here in desperate need of rewording or clarification. A [dead] failed actor and a so-so comedian trying to create a stellar Broadway production - Tony worthy?? I foresee endless struggles and conflicts with these characters. I also get a dramaRead more
Hello Castler Media,
Neat logline. There’s nothing I see here in desperate need of rewording or clarification. A [dead] failed actor and a so-so comedian trying to create a stellar Broadway production – Tony worthy?? I foresee endless struggles and conflicts with these characters.
I also get a drama-vibe from this, too, even though you have it assigned under Comedy.
See less