1. Posted: April 12, 2017In:

    A struggling musician faces a heart-wrenching decision when he is presented with the greatest opportunity of his young career.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    What's the big decision? By the Log, it sounds as though your main character is not actively seeking anything, yet something falls in his lap and he may have to change. "he is presented" has to go. What can be so monumental of a thing that a struggling musician may face? Please elaborate further.

    What’s the big decision?

    By the Log, it sounds as though your main character is not actively seeking anything, yet something falls in his lap and he may have to change.

    “he is presented” has to go. What can be so monumental of a thing that a struggling musician may face? Please elaborate further.

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  2. Posted: April 9, 2017In:

    Two career tramps, a yachtsman and an ex-actress, falling in love team up and live swindling the jet set ? but they risk losing it all when yachtsman?s ex-wife comes undercover for an IRS sting

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    This needs to be re-written. It doesn't flow well enough because of the multitude of players involved and the lack of a clear protag. Just use "a ____ group..." that has to overcome an IRS mole before...

    This needs to be re-written. It doesn’t flow well enough because of the multitude of players involved and the lack of a clear protag.

    Just use “a ____ group…” that has to overcome an IRS mole before…

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  3. Posted: April 7, 2017In:

    When a recluse yachtsman gets charmed by an ex actress he discovers she is a career tramp just like him. Teaming up they mingle and swindle the jet set living the high-life until recluses ex returns to renew love and revenge as an undercover IRS sting

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    Also, check the grammar and adjust the log.

    Also, check the grammar and adjust the log.

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