1. Posted: April 4, 2017In:

    FAKING THE BAND After concocting a scheme to achieve popularity and infamy a junior high rock band is forced to confront the fact they can?t play a single song when a spiteful teacher plans to expose their charade by awarding them a spot in the schools annual variety show.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    Agreed with Craig, it's missing the stakes and urgency. Even though one can assume they will learn to somehow play.

    Agreed with Craig, it’s missing the stakes and urgency. Even though one can assume they will learn to somehow play.

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  2. Posted: April 5, 2017In:

    A space explorer leads an expedition after believing to have discovered paradise which gradually descends into madness.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    A space explorer leads an expedition after believing to have discovered paradise which gradually descends into madness. A space explorer leads an expedition to a new world only to... (now what does he need to overcome, and what are the stakes if he doesn't?)

    • A space explorer leads an expedition after believing to have discovered paradise which gradually descends into madness.

    A space explorer leads an expedition to a new world only to… (now what does he need to overcome, and what are the stakes if he doesn’t?)

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  3. Posted: April 4, 2017In:

    Twenty something Sherlock Holmes and Jame Moriarty hatch a plan to start a war and profit, only to be undone by a secret government agency headed by Mycroft Holmes.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter

    I'd replace twenty something with "young" and not assume that every potential reader knows these characters already. Who is the protagonist? Sherlock or Mycroft? Since Sherlock is evil, I assume Mycroft. Focus and mention his GSU in the log while still using Sherlock.

    I’d replace twenty something with “young” and not assume that every potential reader knows these characters already.

    Who is the protagonist? Sherlock or Mycroft? Since Sherlock is evil, I assume Mycroft. Focus and mention his GSU in the log while still using Sherlock.

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