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Based on the true story of Jordan Belfort, from his rise to a wealthy stock-broker living the high life to his fall involving crime, corruption and the federal government.
HI, blossomingscripts. OK, so I understand that this is based on the life of Jordan Belfort and that's good. But I'd encourage you to get more detailed. Right now, the entire logline is very broad, undefined, you get the idea. Specifics will make it better, i.e., what's Jordan Belfort's conflict? IRead more
HI, blossomingscripts.
OK, so I understand that this is based on the life of Jordan Belfort and that’s good. But I’d encourage you to get more detailed. Right now, the entire logline is very broad, undefined, you get the idea. Specifics will make it better, i.e., what’s Jordan Belfort’s conflict? I understand it involves crime/corruption/federal gov, but again, that’s vague. Need to supply more info. And, finally, how does he respond to the conflict? Does he run from the feds? Does he fight them? Great start, though.
See lessWhen a move to a new town and a stronger prescription fails to keep her dreams from altering her waking life, an overwrought teenager must learn to accept her bizarre talent and stop a provocateur from exploiting her power to manipulate an unwitting public.
Hey Jeff, I get the basic premise, so that's good. I'd suggest cutting some of the extraneous info: moving to a new town, manipulate an unwitting public. And perhaps "prescription drugs fail" is more on the nose, i.e., "When prescription drugs fail to keep an overwrought teenager's dreams from alterRead more
Hey Jeff,
I get the basic premise, so that’s good. I’d suggest cutting some of the extraneous info: moving to a new town, manipulate an unwitting public. And perhaps “prescription drugs fail” is more on the nose, i.e., “When prescription drugs fail to keep an overwrought teenager’s dreams from altering her waking life…” Or even better, “…from altering reality…she must learn to accept and control her talent…” And, finally, provocateur is, I think, a little too vague. Need to pump that up some and clarify.
Cheers and all the best.
H.
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