1. Posted: June 4, 2020In: ,

    When a meek chemistry teacher is diagnosed with lung cancer, he must earn $740,000 by cooking meth to provide for his family after his death.

    Odie Samurai

    Good stuff Karel, here's my no comma spin. A meek chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer must earn $740,000 by selling his signature blue meth to secure his family’s future.

    Good stuff Karel, here’s my no comma spin.

    A meek chemistry teacher diagnosed with terminal lung cancer must earn $740,000 by selling his signature blue meth to secure his family’s future.

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  2. Posted: May 29, 2020In:

    Professor Taian Russo returns possessed artifacts from a mysterious island where Heather, a 17th century Scottish woman, was exiled to.? He must help her find peace before her possessive powers take full control.

    Odie Samurai

    I dig it ZarahNZ, here are my thoughts: Since Taian and Heather are not historical characters e.g. William Wallace, they add no value to the reader and steal precious space from your logline ? see the Formula link at the top of the page for help. What are some traits for the professor e.g. ?An absenRead more

    I dig it ZarahNZ, here are my thoughts:

    • Since Taian and Heather are not historical characters e.g. William Wallace, they add no value to the reader and steal precious space from your logline ? see the Formula link at the top of the page for help.
    • What are some traits for the professor e.g. ?An absent-minded professor must return the missing artifacts? What is his arc?
    • It is hard for me to picture ?possessed artifacts? and associate them with the exiled woman. Your logline would have more of an impact if we had a primary artifact, like Bow or a Wand ? what is yours?
    • Who is this 17th-century Scottish woman? A witch, a warrior, accused of murder? Why was she exiled?
    • I can relate how the Professor who has the artifacts could be a key to doing something for the woman, but that is about it ? How can he help her find peace? If he was a priest, I can make the connection, but he is a professor.
    • Currently, the stakes are ?before her possessive powers take full control?. Assuming her physical body is long gone, and her spirit is stuck on an island? So what ? let her go to 11 ? The professor does not live on the island, he can leave the artifacts in the museum display case and move on with this life ? why does he HAVE to do this? And what will happen if he doesn?t ? how will her maxing out affect my life in Big D?
    • This logline needs conflict – we have a professor that wants to help an exiled spirit. This is Horror, I am not seeing a life-ending antagonist oppose his mission.

    Please use the Comments area to reply so community and I can take a stab at your logline – take care.

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  3. Posted: May 14, 2020In:

    A down-on-his-luck videographer breaks his estranged mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber – a million-dollar Bitcoin.

    Odie Samurai

    Based on the input thus far, this is where I am now with the logline: A bankrupt cameraman breaks his estranged master thief mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber ? a million-dollar Bitcoin. OR Should I change "master thief " to something completely ridiculous - lRead more

    Based on the input thus far, this is where I am now with the logline:

    A bankrupt cameraman breaks his estranged master thief mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber ? a million-dollar Bitcoin.

    OR

    Should I change “master thief ” to something completely ridiculous – like pickpocketing? Breaking out mom because she has master thief skills to steal makes sense but not funny, him breaking out mom because she stole some wallets and he thinks that’s enough to pull this heist off is funny.

    A bankrupt cameraman breaks his estranged pickpocketing mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber ? a million-dollar Bitcoin.

    Suggestions are welcome, I would love to get a laugh out of the logline.

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