1. Posted: September 25, 2020In:

    “Afectada por la trágica muerte de su hijo, busca sanar su mente en el pueblo de su infancia, para descubrir que ella no es la única visita inesperada.”

    Odie Samurai

    Intriguing. Strengthen the inciting incident "Affected" is too mild for this event – what about Devasted? You could use "Devastated by the tragic death of her son, …”. This is what I can see so far. “Devastated by the tragic death of her son a fractured mother returns to the safety of her hometown,Read more

    Intriguing.
    Strengthen the inciting incident “Affected” is too mild for this event – what about Devasted? You could use “Devastated by the tragic death of her son, …”.

    This is what I can see so far.
    “Devastated by the tragic death of her son a fractured mother returns to the safety of her hometown, but…”

    The “unexpected visitor” line is just a teaser; the reader cannot attain anything from that. If you inform who this visitor is and their relationship with your protag mother, I or the community can take a crack at completing it.

    Take care.

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  2. Posted: September 8, 2020In:

    A group of filmmakers decide to make short films about robots, outer space and talking cats.

    Odie Samurai

    Ok… but for me to sit 90 minutes watching: First, what prompted the group to do this e.g. “To pass their LA film school final, a group…”. Second, what about adding some obstacles e.g. “…, a group of novice filmmakers must overcome their egos to create short films about robots, outer space, and talkiRead more

    Ok… but for me to sit 90 minutes watching:
    First, what prompted the group to do this e.g. “To pass their LA film school final, a group…”.
    Second, what about adding some obstacles e.g. “…, a group of novice filmmakers must overcome their egos to create short films about robots, outer space, and talking cats…”.
    Last, a teaser of some kind e.g. “… outer space, and talking cats, but things get real when one of the students reveals a love affair with their alien cat abductors”

    Take care.

    P.s. From your similar posts and responses, I hope to God “IvyEight6” is not some social engineered BOT created by Karel to drum up the logline numbers – joking, but… 😉

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  3. Posted: September 6, 2020In:

    After an ugly break-up, a man tries to put his life together by building a new home only to find out his virtual assistent is possessed by an vengeful spirit.

    Odie Samurai

    Love me some horror CucuMucu, think about the following while sharpening this logline. 1. Does this breakup involve an e.g. girlfriend, or does it have more weight like an ugly divorce? The logline will serve better with a big inciting incident. If the breakup is a minor part of the plot, one that yRead more

    Love me some horror CucuMucu, think about the following while sharpening this logline.
    1. Does this breakup involve an e.g. girlfriend, or does it have more weight like an ugly divorce? The logline will serve better with a big inciting incident. If the breakup is a minor part of the plot, one that you move past quickly and has little or no character reoccurrence later – you could skip right to the possession as your inciting incident.
    2. OPINION: It will help to call your protag an “architect” who’s building his “dream SMART home” as an anchor for the virtual assistance + “rebuilding” metaphors.
    3. Now that we’re getting closer to a strong inciting incident, focus on your protag and goal, we need to work on your antagonist. Since this is not one of those old haunted house stories you need a unique method of how this vengeful spirit possesses your virtual assistant. This can get cliché quick, be careful as we (audience) has seen it all – surprise us 😊.
    4. You can also add stakes or the method of how he will overcome this vengeful spirit.

    If you like, please elaborate on my above comments, whom he broke up with, and this vengeful spirit so I or the community can take a crack at this – got to be a reason why this spirit is so pissed right? 😉

    Hope this helps, take care

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