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A lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official, stop construction of the mall and save the old fountain, before the end of Independence Day.
That’s compelling – the fountain is the birthplace of this renegade pigeon. This is your anchor, the park residents need the water and safety, your protag wants to save his birthplace, where everything was good (before he became a renegade). This is a believable reason why he would act to join the oRead more
That’s compelling – the fountain is the birthplace of this renegade pigeon. This is your anchor, the park residents need the water and safety, your protag wants to save his birthplace, where everything was good (before he became a renegade). This is a believable reason why he would act to join the others now. I get the Independence Day reference, but in your OP that hit me from left field, that’s why I included “ground-breaking” so I can immediately envision something being destroyed to create new.
Use Richiev example along with these points to recreate your logline – you’re getting there!
Take care.
See lessA lonely and renegade pigeon must abandon his reluctance and join the other park residents to expose a corrupt official, stop construction of the mall and save the old fountain, before the end of Independence Day.
Oscuro, this sounds more Family then Action, think of an anchor (besides water) for the park residents and this old fountain – I want to care, make it good 😉. If you want a more meaningful ticking clock change to “… before the Independence Day ground-breaking ceremony”
Oscuro, this sounds more Family then Action, think of an anchor (besides water) for the park residents and this old fountain – I want to care, make it good 😉. If you want a more meaningful ticking clock change to “… before the Independence Day ground-breaking ceremony”
See lessA naïve lawyer loses everything when he is targeted by an unscrupulous gang. He commits himself to infiltrating the group that wronged him to exact his revenge.
My comments will focus on the beginning of your logline, make this your own – hope this helps: What transpired between the gang and the protag that put into motion the loss of everything e.g. “After losing the drug trafficking case for a notorious gang, a rookie lawyer…” Take care.
My comments will focus on the beginning of your logline, make this your own – hope this helps:
What transpired between the gang and the protag that put into motion the loss of everything e.g. “After losing the drug trafficking case for a notorious gang, a rookie lawyer…”
Take care.
See less