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In order to cut the apron strings, a 30 year-old gogo boy flees his head of mafia, brothel-owning mother to a small town living off the tourism of its celebrity cemetery. There, he struggles to make a living while helping an ex-FBI agent demoted to park ranger to find her status back by resolving the corruption that took her down in the first place.
Very cool premise. The logline reads like two stories or (A story) gogo boy escapes mafia mom, (B story) gogo boy helps reinstate an ex-FBI agent. I would focus on the inciting incident that triggers your protag to flee mafia mom, the goal is to live a life redeemed as a tombstone tour guide to theRead more
Very cool premise. The logline reads like two stories or (A story) gogo boy escapes mafia mom, (B story) gogo boy helps reinstate an ex-FBI agent.
I would focus on the inciting incident that triggers your protag to flee mafia mom, the goal is to live a life redeemed as a tombstone tour guide to the stars, BUT … you need a “mom wants her gogo back – dead or alive” element for stakes, you get the idea.
Your B story needs to revert to your main plot e.g., ex-gogo boy gets ex-agent reinstated to shut down mafia mom. Logline real estate is tiny; you can skip mentioning it.
Q: A gogo boy is a gay go-go dancer, right? Gay or not, it would be jacked if he were the star attraction in his mother’s brothel 😉.
Keep going!
See lessAn artistic high schooler must choose between following her own dreams and attending med school with her teenage crush turned boyfriend while struggling to live up to her mother’s expectations.
Interesting premise, think about the following to strengthen your logline. What does “follow her dreams” look like? What drives her? E.g., the illuminating crafts of stained glass or becoming a contemporary artist in X. I dig your crossroads: - Heartstrings are being tugged by a longtime crush-turneRead more
Interesting premise, think about the following to strengthen your logline.
What does “follow her dreams” look like? What drives her? E.g., the illuminating crafts of stained glass or becoming a contemporary artist in X.
I dig your crossroads:
– Heartstrings are being tugged by a longtime crush-turned-boyfriend heading to med school.
– Mom wants a DR or another DR as medicine runs in the family.
All parents have expectations for their younglings, think about increasing the conflict by making this mother domineering or that she was “groomed” for med school.
Take care.
See lessTo save a retirement home from bankruptcy, its uptight director must convince her estranged, obnoxious father to make a significant donation, or face losing her job and custody of her daughter. But when he insists on playing a role in running the home, the director must balance the need to keep her father’s money with the increasing annoyance of the home’s residents with the coarse intruder.
Leaning towards: “An uptight director's cash-strapped retirement home is turned topsy-turvy when accepting a bailout from her estranged father and his ensuing meddling sparks an old-folks revolt” Make this yours, take care.
Leaning towards:
“An uptight director’s cash-strapped retirement home is turned topsy-turvy when accepting a bailout from her estranged father and his ensuing meddling sparks an old-folks revolt”
Make this yours, take care.
See less