1. Posted: June 24, 2013In:

    When a unsuspecting son of the leader of a death squad discovers that blood thirsty aliens are hunting his family, he has 1000 hours to get to Bolivia, and close the gateway before Earth is bathed in blood..

    isabelle.allen

    It is a little wordy. I think you should choose another adjective to describe the son as it is apparent he would be unsuspecting bloody thirsty aliens to hunt his family. Also it's not quite clear- I first read it that the aliens are going to kill everybody in the whole earth. Why does he have to goRead more

    It is a little wordy.

    I think you should choose another adjective to describe the son as it is apparent he would be unsuspecting bloody thirsty aliens to hunt his family.

    Also it’s not quite clear- I first read it that the aliens are going to kill everybody in the whole earth.

    Why does he have to go to Bolivia? Not sure it is necessary to the logline to mention Bolivia. Could it be referred to more in general terms- eg home?

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  2. Posted: June 24, 2013In:

    When a abstruse astronaut is diagnosed with brain damage from a leaking thruster, his spaceship is catapulted in to the cosmos where he discovers his fuel will run out in 100 hours, now he must circum navigate fate and return home.

    isabelle.allen

    Thanks. Good point- he should have a psychological depth- perhaps a more well known adjective though? Also I wonder if the final goal is implied 'with 100 hours of fuel remaining'?

    Thanks. Good point- he should have a psychological depth- perhaps a more well known adjective though? Also I wonder if the final goal is implied ‘with 100 hours of fuel remaining’?

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  3. Posted: June 24, 2013In:

    Determined to experience the wildest paradise on the island of Tasmania, one will do anything to find a way.

    isabelle.allen

    Thank you so much guys! Will fix that up!

    Thank you so much guys! Will fix that up!

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