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Suffering heart damage after a weapons sale is ambushed by terrorsists, a military industrialist/ playboy builds a hi-tech armoured suit to save his own life and protect his company from the people he trusts.
Hmm, yes I assumed that "playboy" would indicate his selfishness as his character flaw but it could be clearer. I keep reading conflicting loglines that often suggest being open ended is good but if clarity is key then I should be aiming for shorter, more concise loglines. It's not more concise :/ bRead more
Hmm, yes I assumed that “playboy” would indicate his selfishness as his character flaw but it could be clearer.
I keep reading conflicting loglines that often suggest being open ended is good but if clarity is key then I should be aiming for shorter, more concise loglines.
It’s not more concise :/ but:
“When a flamboyant but self-centred weapons dealer is kidnapped, he must escape by building a powered suit of armour, but when the armour falls into the hands of his corrupt business partner and teacher, he must fight to save the woman he loves and the world itself from the very weapons he created.”
Is this clearer?
Thanks for the feedback anyway, I’ll keep working on it
See lessA now broken doctor is sentenced to death for his wifes murder, forced to reassess his morals, he escapes now as the clock ticks he must survive to prove his innocence.
That's good man. Short and sweet, nice and clear, easy to read like it should be. I think you're supposed to switch around where you've entered the logline and title though ;)
That’s good man. Short and sweet, nice and clear, easy to read like it should be.
I think you’re supposed to switch around where you’ve entered the logline and title though 😉
See lessA film director, mentally driven to the edge, fires his ego-maniacal narrator, a pixy, who later manipulates his movie for her own personal gain. — or so it would seem.
I really like this. I was captivated by the concept, the twist and the archetypal characters. I got a bit confused when I got to the "or so it would seem" but without that it's a very strange but interesting and clear line.
I really like this. I was captivated by the concept, the twist and the archetypal characters. I got a bit confused when I got to the “or so it would seem” but without that it’s a very strange but interesting and clear line.
See less