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After her retired client dies, a social worker risks her life when she discovers a fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care. (latest update)
This is the original logline that I am posting here for a reference. When one of her retired client dies, a social worker uncovers a secret world of horrifying aged care business involving fake real estate contracts, abuse and murder. (original logline)
This is the original logline that I am posting here for a reference.
When one of her retired client dies, a social worker uncovers a secret world of horrifying aged care business involving fake real estate contracts, abuse and murder. (original logline)
See lessAfter her retired client dies, a social worker risks her life when she discovers a fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care. (latest update)
Maybe this makes more sense?After?one of her retired clients suspiciously dies, a social worker puts her life?at risk when?she?discovers a?fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care.Thats?36 words. Let's see if I can short it somehow :D
Maybe this makes more sense?
After?one of her retired clients suspiciously dies, a social worker puts her life?at risk when?she?discovers a?fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care.
Thats?36 words. Let’s see if I can short it somehow 😀
See lessWhen a teenage girl has her robot?s algorithm stolen by her mentor, the only way to expose the truth to is to compete against him at an International Robotics Competition, and win a grant to develop the tech that will allow her paralysed mother to paint again.
Man I think that you may have perhaps fallen into a trap that I got into myself many times. You design a story or idea in your head and then you are trying to create a logline for it. If that;s the case, then I would suggest to first design a logline and then create a story for it.The note about parRead more
Man I think that you may have perhaps fallen into a trap that I got into myself many times. You design a story or idea in your head and then you are trying to create a logline for it. If that;s the case, then I would suggest to first design a logline and then create a story for it.
The note about paralysed mother is a back story that doesnt need to be there as she may play a part as a motivation but its not directly inside the A story. Stakes are not high enough. What happens if she loses the competition? Loses the art robot and goes home? How wining that competition helps her to expose the truth? and who is the antagonist? The mentor or the corporation?
I think that you really like the idea of robotics competition. But it might be hard to implement it as a major event to work in this kind of story.
Hero: teen student of robotics
Main Goal: win robotics competition or frame judas mentor for plagiarism.
Antagonist forces: mentor who wants to prevent her from wining or prevent her fron exposing him
Inciting incident: invention is stolen.
But still i dont see very high stakes. Will think about it
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