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A young, teen girl designs an app to control a robot that can cure paralysis, but when her disabled mother falls seriously ill, and her mentor plagiarises her design and sells it to a multi-national, the only way to expose the truth is to compete against them at an International Robotics Competition.
And yes, the setup doesnt much work - algorithm + patenting of it + urgency of mother dying ... putting it all together to make the device / treatment seems to be lengthy process. More likely the girl (I can;'t imagine teen to build a working prototype) young scientist designs some machine/prototypeRead more
And yes, the setup doesnt much work – algorithm + patenting of it + urgency of mother dying … putting it all together to make the device / treatment seems to be lengthy process. More likely the girl (I can;’t imagine teen to build a working prototype) young scientist designs some machine/prototype that can help different kind of illness her close relative has, and then corporation steels it for commercial purposes and she needs to win that back … somehow. Perhaps sneak in her mother to get into the machine? Mentor would serve better as some kind of B story, helping her out with all the stuff. Corporation as an antagonist seems more dangerous.
See lessA young, teen girl designs an app to control a robot that can cure paralysis, but when her disabled mother falls seriously ill, and her mentor plagiarises her design and sells it to a multi-national, the only way to expose the truth is to compete against them at an International Robotics Competition.
A young scientist must compete for her?paralysis curing?algorithm, stolen and patented by her mentor, before her mother dies. 54 words reduced to 20 . Question is, why she can't reproduce the algorithm? Isn't coma something like a dead brain? Can brain in coma control through this algorithm a paralyRead more
A young scientist must compete for her?paralysis curing?algorithm, stolen and patented by her mentor, before her mother dies.
54 words reduced to 20 .
Question is, why she can’t reproduce the algorithm? Isn’t coma something like a dead brain? Can brain in coma control through this algorithm a paralyzed body?
See lessIs this a good tagline?
From my understanding, tagline is a marketing slogan that you put on the poster ("In space, nobody can hear you scream" or something like that? for first Alien). So you mean logline? You got a hero (ex convict), you got the inciting incident (near death experience) and a goal (repent ... I am not naRead more
From my understanding, tagline is a marketing slogan that you put on the poster (“In space, nobody can hear you scream” or something like that? for first Alien). So you mean logline?
You got a hero (ex convict), you got the inciting incident (near death experience) and a goal (repent … I am not native english, does it mean something like feeling sorry for?).?Why is mysterious stranger helping him – and is this mention of him in a logline somehow key to the story? Why? How? If he is not important, I would cross?himout. The way story unravels in my mind is, that the guy experiences this death thing, then finds his victims daughter, apologises, she cries/screams/don’t care/ kicks him in the balls, and main hero, hopefully feeling better now,? walks away. What is the hook?
After a guilt ridden ex convict learns about?drug addiction of his victim’s daughter, he sets out, in a disguise, to help her out in hope for his salvation. (30)
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