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  1. Posted: June 6, 2013In: Public

    In order to avoid a lengthy prison sentence, a baobhan sith agrees to work with an anti-vampire organization whose sole mission is to protect citizens from things that go bump in the night.

    JBalmer Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 6, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    Great advice dpg. What do you think about this? To avoid a punishment of death by daylight, the country?s most wanted killer, a female vampire, must work for a government program established to capture other vampires of her ilk and infamy.

    Great advice dpg. What do you think about this?

    To avoid a punishment of death by daylight, the country?s most wanted killer, a female vampire, must work for a government program established to capture other vampires of her ilk and infamy.

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  2. Posted: June 6, 2013In: Public

    Desperate to cure her husband's terminal illness, a young socialite turns to an enigmatic scientist whose treatment works – but leaves the patient with a murderous appetite.

    JBalmer Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 6, 2013 at 3:33 am

    I really like this a lot. If I were to change something it would be "whose treatment works-but leaves the patient with a murderous appetite." You could generalize it and say something about the treatment having dire drawbacks.

    I really like this a lot. If I were to change something it would be “whose treatment works-but leaves the patient with a murderous appetite.” You could generalize it and say something about the treatment having dire drawbacks.

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  3. Posted: June 3, 2013

    Thwarted at every attempt to win over the girl of his dreams, an awkward boy (8) has to overcome his deepest fear to draw her into a magical world.

    JBalmer Penpusher
    Added an answer on June 6, 2013 at 3:25 am

    Your logline is pretty solid, but here is an alternative: An eight-year-old boy must do everything in his power to overcome his fears and impress the girl of his dreams.

    Your logline is pretty solid, but here is an alternative: An eight-year-old boy must do everything in his power to overcome his fears and impress the girl of his dreams.

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