1. Posted: January 11, 2013In:

    A dorky accountant has to overcome his fear of the ocean and learn to surf in order to attend a father-son surf competition so his son can hang with the cool kids, one of whose dads just so happens to be his high school nemesis.

    jjb

    Thanks patrockable, that really tightens it up... I feel guilty running with that now, it's like you've done all the work!

    Thanks patrockable, that really tightens it up… I feel guilty running with that now, it’s like you’ve done all the work!

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  2. Posted: January 11, 2013In:

    A dorky accountant has to overcome his fear of the ocean and learn to surf in order to attend a father-son surf competition so his son can hang with the cool kids, one of whose dads just so happens to be his high school nemesis.

    jjb

    Thanks. I agree that it's too verbose... Stakes... well, the real stakes are to get his son's acceptance. That's stronger than his son hanging with the cool kids... but not sure if it's strong enough. The concept is intended to be a light hearted comedy... so I might try and steer clear of terminalRead more

    Thanks.

    I agree that it’s too verbose…

    Stakes… well, the real stakes are to get his son’s acceptance. That’s stronger than his son hanging with the cool kids… but not sure if it’s strong enough.

    The concept is intended to be a light hearted comedy… so I might try and steer clear of terminal illness!

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  3. Posted: January 7, 2013In:

    While being pursued by police and a protection team, David Porter must find the legendary Tony Bill to pay off a gambling debt; or he's dead

    jjb

    I like the alternate version. Tony Bill is a legend in the world you are creating, I don't think it matters that we don't know who he/it is.

    I like the alternate version. Tony Bill is a legend in the world you are creating, I don’t think it matters that we don’t know who he/it is.

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