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  1. Posted: January 5, 2013In: Public

    When his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb in class, Jack, a kind hearted but foul mouthed family man, is given an ultimatum by his wife, sex or swearing.

    jjb
    Added an answer on January 6, 2013 at 5:22 pm

    That's a fair point, patrockable, however, the character I'm trying to create can't simply do that. But if I can't get that across in the logline, then I have issues.

    That’s a fair point, patrockable, however, the character I’m trying to create can’t simply do that. But if I can’t get that across in the logline, then I have issues.

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  2. Posted: January 5, 2013In: Public

    When his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb in class, Jack, a kind hearted but foul mouthed family man, is given an ultimatum by his wife, sex or swearing.

    jjb
    Added an answer on January 5, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    Main external goal is to win back the affections of his wife, who is being hit on by his high school nemesis. I'm just struggling to get it in the logline without bogging it down. Back to the drawing board. Thanks for your feedback.

    Main external goal is to win back the affections of his wife, who is being hit on by his high school nemesis. I’m just struggling to get it in the logline without bogging it down.

    Back to the drawing board.

    Thanks for your feedback.

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  3. Posted: January 5, 2013In: Public

    When his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb in class, Jack, a kind hearted but foul mouthed family man, is given an ultimatum by his wife, sex or swearing.

    jjb
    Added an answer on January 5, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Good feedback. I think hyphenated is correct. When I try and get the antagonist, high school nemesis (and also son's new teacher) and protagonist's final goal (overcome swearing to be at one with himself and bring his family together), the logline just gets too long. Maybe sharkeatingman is correct,Read more

    Good feedback. I think hyphenated is correct.

    When I try and get the antagonist, high school nemesis (and also son’s new teacher) and protagonist’s final goal (overcome swearing to be at one with himself and bring his family together), the logline just gets too long.

    Maybe sharkeatingman is correct, and the concept is flawed.

    I might try and bash some out that don’t include the inciting incident (kid swearing at school) and focus more on protagonist goal and antagonist.

    Aggghhh!

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