1. Posted: February 7, 2017In:

    While in coma, a pessimistic former athlete must regain his self belief to help a police force, that operates within collective unconscious of humanity, stop a powerful psychic taking over everybody’s minds.

    JM Logliner

    Hi Knightrider. I see lots of references to 'Carrie', 'The Fury', 'Dreamspace' and 'Inception' here. I agree with Nicholas that it is confusing. I really like the concept of someone in coma helping the police, but I don't see why it's important that the MC is a pessimistic former athlete and that thRead more

    Hi Knightrider. I see lots of references to ‘Carrie’, ‘The Fury’, ‘Dreamspace’ and ‘Inception’ here. I agree with Nicholas that it is confusing. I really like the concept of someone in coma helping the police, but I don’t see why it’s important that the MC is a pessimistic former athlete and that thing about the “collective unconscious of humanity” is difficult to visualize.

    So this guy is in a coma, and he must help the police to stop a psychic who aims to control everybody’s minds? Then I think it should read like something like this: “While in a coma, a man with powerful mind skills is recruited by a special police force to stop a mad psychic who is trying to take over the world by controlling everybody’s minds.”

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  2. Posted: February 5, 2017In:

    After witnessing a UFO crash landing, a precocious silver miner’s daughter tries to make sense of her place in the universe. Too bad, she?s brought the alien home with her.

    JM Logliner

    Hi Eljohn. I get a sense of scifi dramedy here. I think it's an original twist to the traditional story of a single woman dealing with raising a child. However, the logline is a bit fuzzy. Making sense of her place in the universe is a bit too vague. I would reinforce the presence of the antagonist.Read more

    Hi Eljohn. I get a sense of scifi dramedy here. I think it’s an original twist to the traditional story of a single woman dealing with raising a child. However, the logline is a bit fuzzy. Making sense of her place in the universe is a bit too vague. I would reinforce the presence of the antagonist. I’m thinking that her family may well play that role, and of course the town where she lives. Cheers.

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  3. Posted: February 4, 2017In:

    After his son confesses a murder to him, an obsessively upright police officer on the brink of a once in a lifetime promotion must use all his power and skills to destroy all evidence before the truth is uncovered.

    JM Logliner

    Thank you all for the feedback. As Nir and dpg said, this is a contradictory character who has to choose between the written law and the family law. But I think that my approch on the story is wrong. I really like dpg's idea that the MC discovers his son is involved in a crime and that solving thatRead more

    Thank you all for the feedback. As Nir and dpg said, this is a contradictory character who has to choose between the written law and the family law. But I think that my approch on the story is wrong. I really like dpg’s idea that the MC discovers his son is involved in a crime and that solving that crime is intimately linked with his promotion and his future as a police officer. That would place the character right in the middle of his choice and would also put the story in motion. As Richiev said, there is no point in his son confessing the crime as it would also sound like an ad hoc information to the script and an easy way out of the problem. Once again, thanks a lot for your feedback. It’s really helpful. Cheers.

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