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When his estranged father passes away, an aimless office worker must go on a word jumble puzzle themed treasure hunt to claim his inheritance and save the family home within 48 hours
Great movie suggestion @Odie ! A rough logline sketch of Brewster's Millions (1985) might read: "When [a minor league baseball player], [discovers he could inherit $300 million from a deceased wealthy relative], he must [completely spend $30 million in 30 days, without destroying, gifting, giving toRead more
Great movie suggestion @Odie !
A rough logline sketch of Brewster’s Millions (1985) might read:
“When [a minor league baseball player], [discovers he could inherit $300 million from a deceased wealthy relative], he must [completely spend $30 million in 30 days, without destroying, gifting, giving to charity, nor revealing the deal to anyone.]”
Comparing loglines, they are definitely structurally similar, however the protagonist is now [an aimless office worker]. Guessing “minor league” and “aimless” both imply a hopelessness. Personally, I don’t experience much immediate empathic relations for either character types. Narrative pattern across both stories seems very ‘rags to riches’ motif.
“estranged father passes away”, replaces “deceased wealthy relative”, guessing dad was busy making money?
Must [go on a word jumble puzzle themed treasure hunt] … boy say that quickly 🙂 Jumbled, puzzled, treasure hunt sounds fun, but sorry, not getting any visuals on that one – feels too abstract.
[claim his inheritance] and [save the family home] are stated separately, implying separate character goals … but maybe family home == inheritance ???
Finally, [within 48 hours] establishes the film’s diegesis without stating why. Think ticking time bomb trope, i.e. what is the clock plugged into -> ….. BOOOOMMM!
See lessTo secure a university scholarship, a disadvantaged high school student must outwit two teachers who use her as a pawn in a wager to see if they can make two students fall in love.
"a disadvantaged female high school student" works very well, in it potentially sets up an audience response of pity . Empathy for the protagonist is how emotion is created within the viewer. So, I'm feeling sorry for that naive young, rag torn girl already. (Ah, note on Identity Politics: I'm caucaRead more
“a disadvantaged female high school student” works very well, in it potentially sets up an audience response of pity . Empathy for the protagonist is how emotion is created within the viewer. So, I’m feeling sorry for that naive young, rag torn girl already. (Ah, note on Identity Politics: I’m caucasian, male, so current mental image thinks ‘buffy the vampire slayer meets hard times’)
Ok, story goal is: “To secure a university scholarship”. Makes sense. Definitely an expression of lack, how else is she going to fund Uni! Implies protagonist holds core values around education – often socioeconomic difference exists around “knowledge as power”. This is the power she lacks, but seeks … at all cost? What’s @STAKE !!!!
Of course, if she fails to win this scholarship, yes, poverty may be prolonged, but not death, nor loss of loved one, nor financial ruin, nor freedom, or even old justice!
So, moving on. Our double headed monster equals two teachers. These figures represent social force, authority, control. Outwitting a teacher suggests intelligence, great intelligence in fact. So, the protagonist’s main skill is implied: “an intelligent, disadvantaged female high school student”
Betting or wagering on students indicates corruption of the education system. Therefore, the greater social threat is the loss of institutional stability that education holds (wondering if something greater @STAKE might be found here?)
Finally, ” to see if they can make two students fall in love” …. Drama or Romance? Feels a little genre blurry, that’s fine, but may confuse reader. If must keep, then who is this romantic affair with …? Otherwise, brainstorm alternative story challenge. Plot structure currently reminds me of the film Trading Places (1983) – two rich guys determine the fate of another man … kind’a thing.
See lessRight before Christmas, a successful young Hollywood agent is fired from his job. Shame filled and arrogant, he is forced to spend the holiday with his family in New York City where he meets Melissa, a kind and beautiful young woman who unexpectedly pulls him out of his funk, helps him move on from his old job, and becomes the greatest Christmas miracle of the season.
When "an arrogantly successful young Hollywood agent" -> "is fired from his job" -> he must -> "spend Christmas holiday with his family in New York City" Cause = job loss || Effect = move back home Deductive logic: This Hollywood agent can't have been that successful, if he has to move backRead more
When “an arrogantly successful young Hollywood agent” ->
“is fired from his job” -> he must
-> “spend Christmas holiday with his family in New York City”
Cause = job loss || Effect = move back home
Deductive logic: This Hollywood agent can’t have been that successful, if he has to move back home.
However, When “an arrogant young Hollywood agent” ->
“is fired from his job” -> he must … gives explanation for job loss and a much clearer character arc of:
arrogant young man <> character of Humility
The antagonist of this story is “a kind and beautiful young woman” (loglines conventionally replace names with character description – sorry Melissa!). However, how does this seductive princess lure our stated hero out of such funk?
Story is the stated actions of character. Clarity of description of action would improve this logline.
See less