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As their lives begin to fall apart, an alcoholic bar supply salesman helps his best friend, an MMA fighter, chase his childhood dream to play music at a storied Austin, Texas venue.
Agree with comment by @Richiev, the "MMA fighter is the character with the goal," making the Mixed martial arts fighter the protagonist. My first reading of this logline created an image of 'bromance' ... but the logline contains little reference to character's age. So, defaulting to stereotype of aRead more
Agree with comment by Richiev, the “MMA fighter is the character with the goal,”
making the Mixed martial arts fighter the protagonist.
My first reading of this logline created an image of ‘bromance’ … but the logline contains little reference to character’s age. So, defaulting to stereotype of alcoholic reads ‘old and tired’, creating a picture of an old grumpy guy helping out a youthful, athletic fighter, to achieve a creative goal of musical success.
Which leads to the question of story logic: Why might a character of fit and healthy mind, turn to a character of alcoholic disempowerment for help? There is little within the bracketing of ‘alcoholic bar supply salesman’ indicating a plausible outcome that our hard knocking MMA fighter might actually achieve his goal of creative expression. Think Luke Skywalker turning to Jedi master Yoda for help – there’s a real sense our hero might at least get to first base.
Plausibility is key to fiction, as it enables the reader to suspend disbelief, and briefly enter a construct of story world.
As their lives begin to fall apart,
an alcoholic bar supply salesman
helps his best friend, an MMA fighter,
chase his childhood dream to play music at a storied Austin, Texas venue.
See lessWhen her boyfriend’ doctors are unable to treat his fatal illness, an unsophisticated Papuan girl in service to his father must convince him to abandon his traditional medical views and travel to Papua to allow her and her Medicine man grandfather to save is life.
Agree with comment by @Richiev -> Protagonist == "an unsophisticated Papuan girl" A quick google search of "Papuan girl" returns stereotypical images of a native girl. Therefore, Is 'unsophisticated' really a Character Trait, given the stereotype already connotes such an idea? Character can be boRead more
Agree with comment by Richiev -> Protagonist == “an unsophisticated Papuan girl”
A quick google search of “Papuan girl” returns stereotypical images of a native girl. Therefore,
Is ‘unsophisticated’ really a Character Trait, given the stereotype already connotes such an idea?
Character can be both innate (as in a trait), but also acquired through character action/s. In this logline, our Papuan girl’s action is to challenge tradition and embrace science based medicine. Where might such ‘sophisticated’ ideas be born from, given the remote context?
Stakes are appropriately high in this logline (she might lose her father). However, how might the stakes be raised even higher? Just riffing, but maybe the whole tribe’s social order is at stake – if traditional medicine is replaced with Western ideals …
See lessA young LAPD officer seeks the truth about her parent’s murder and to quiet horrific flashbacks from her childhood, but the search puts her in the sights of a serial killer.
"young LAPD officer" -> evokes character traits: Naive (young), Conscientious (police work is tough), Reliable, Self-disciplined ... "seeks the truth about her parent’s murder" -> makes me think of Oedipus Rex (but then he was his father's murderer), but guessing I need to think more like theRead more
“young LAPD officer” -> evokes character traits: Naive (young), Conscientious (police work is tough), Reliable, Self-disciplined …
“seeks the truth about her parent’s murder” -> makes me think of Oedipus Rex (but then he was his father’s murderer), but guessing I need to think more like the Batman backstory.
“quiet horrific flashbacks from her childhood” … not sure where this fits within a logline structure. Neither inciting incident, nor necessary plot driving action …
“the search puts her in the sights of a serial killer” -> Ok, the old Serial Killer antagonist. An evil character we usually only ever meet in movies, right!. … Guessing serial killer killed parent’s of LAPD cop, and our young female protagonist is propelled revenge motive into this story world….
Reminds me of the film ‘Nevada Smith’ (1966). A logline sketch for this film might read:
“When a young man of the 1890’s American West, witnesses the torture and brutal killing of this white father and American Indian mother, he must learn the survival skills necessary in order to seek revenge of the ruthless outlaws.”
See less