1. Posted: April 16, 2015In:

    A homicide detective goes on the run to prove his innocence after he?s framed for murder by a malevolent police cyber-intelligence.

    Leebo159

    Thanks Richiev. I like elements of your revised logline. That's pretty incredible that elements within your logline are what happen in the script. My concern with your revision is that it may take too long to get to the protag. There is also much more at stake than the detective's career. How aboutRead more

    Thanks Richiev. I like elements of your revised logline. That’s pretty incredible that elements within your logline are what happen in the script. My concern with your revision is that it may take too long to get to the protag. There is also much more at stake than the detective’s career.

    How about this:

    A detective hunts a homicidal scientist he captured and saw executed years ago, who has seemingly risen from the grave with the means to exterminate the human race.

    Thanks again.

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  2. Posted: March 31, 2015In:

    Two best friends with Down Syndrome are ecstatic to discover that they have been selected to test Hoogle?s new technology: the Hoogle Hat. But when the hat seems to brainwash the other test subjects, they realize that they are the only people who can stop Hoogle from taking over the world.

    Leebo159

    How about this? Two best friends with Down Syndrome learn they've been selected to participate in a controversial project that increases intelligence. But when the friends uncover that the doctor running the program is brainwashing his other test subjects, they must team-up using their new found intRead more

    How about this?

    Two best friends with Down Syndrome learn they’ve been selected to participate in a controversial project that increases intelligence. But when the friends uncover that the doctor running the program is brainwashing his other test subjects, they must team-up using their new found intelligence to stop the doctor from enslaving the masses. Something like that.

    You could explain the Hoogle Hat and who Dr. Hoogle is in your synopsis.

    Hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: April 16, 2015In:

    Abducted as a small child, a college hoop star must endure a season of unexpected obstacles when he sets out to find his long-lost dad.

    Leebo159

    My questions are, was the hoop star abducted or adopted? If he was abducted, does he know he was abducted or does he just think he was adopted but he was actually abducted? Maybe instead of "unexpected obstacles" you could use "dark family secrets surface" or something like that? I like where you'reRead more

    My questions are, was the hoop star abducted or adopted? If he was abducted, does he know he was abducted or does he just think he was adopted but he was actually abducted? Maybe instead of “unexpected obstacles” you could use “dark family secrets surface” or something like that?

    I like where you’re headed.

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