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Looking for advice/approval on the following logline I created. Thank you!! “After being turned into a beast in a neo-gothic world, a fearless woman disguised as a woman seeks revenge against the cult who sacrificed her during the next hunt.” What do you think? criticism and help would be greatly appreciated.
I agree with the other comments - the mix of tenses make it confusing to read. Also, could you give the woman an adjective to describe her? I wasn't sure if the Neo-gothic world is a version of Earth, or a different planet (in which case I'd probably just say that. Also, does she have to take revengRead more
I agree with the other comments – the mix of tenses make it confusing to read. Also, could you give the woman an adjective to describe her? I wasn’t sure if the Neo-gothic world is a version of Earth, or a different planet (in which case I’d probably just say that. Also, does she have to take revenge on the cult before they do the same to someone else?
See lessAfter aiding the misjudged conviction to those responsible for his families death, an undisputed private investigator has one week to prove their innocence, to save his kidnapped adopted daughter’s life
I would start the longline with the character, so 'When a (adjective) private detective...' etc as it makes him seem more active in the story. I wasn't sure from the longline if he'd aided a conviction for the murders, then realised the conviction was false?
I would start the longline with the character, so ‘When a (adjective) private detective…’ etc as it makes him seem more active in the story. I wasn’t sure from the longline if he’d aided a conviction for the murders, then realised the conviction was false?
See lessAn extraterrestrial warrior raised on planet Earth must fight a threat from his own species to protect the future of the planet.
I like the idea of the character being conflicted so that he has to fight his own species, but I'd echo the other comments - I want to know what makes him different, and what the stakes are.
I like the idea of the character being conflicted so that he has to fight his own species, but I’d echo the other comments – I want to know what makes him different, and what the stakes are.
See less