1. Posted: April 30, 2019In:

    When forced into a deadly game show by Vatican City Cyber-Soldiers, a meek heretic must formulate an escape, else be torn to shreds in their ‘Koloseum’.

    lempicka Logliner

    I like the sound of this, but I was wondering if you could increase the stakes if the cleric has to try and rescue others as well? (Otherwise, he/she comes off a bit selfish imo!)

    I like the sound of this, but I was wondering if you could increase the stakes if the cleric has to try and rescue others as well? (Otherwise, he/she comes off a bit selfish imo!)

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  2. Posted: May 29, 2019In:

    A group of subjects in a sleep experiment are stalked by multidimensional entities awakened to rip their spirits apart.

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    lempicka Logliner

    I like the sound of this, but to echo the other comment, I think you could have a protagonist at the start of this. Who or what has awakened the multidimensional entities? I'm not sure what 'rio their spirits apart' means = could you make the stakes / threat more specific? (i.e. does it mean their dRead more

    I like the sound of this, but to echo the other comment, I think you could have a protagonist at the start of this. Who or what has awakened the multidimensional entities? I’m not sure what ‘rio their spirits apart’ means = could you make the stakes / threat more specific? (i.e. does it mean their deaths in the ‘real’ world?)

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  3. Posted: May 29, 2019In:

    A closeted, sultry actress and a depressed, overachieving high school senior begrudgingly form a bond to overthrow a crazed anarchist bent on strengthening the divide between their two different lifestyles.

    lempicka Logliner

    Is the actress a lesbian? If not, and you want her to be an introvert, then I'd choose a different way to describe her than 'closeted'. The second part seems a bit vague at the moment - who is the crazed anarchist, and why does he/she want to divide them more? 'Join forces' sounds a bit more activeRead more

    Is the actress a lesbian? If not, and you want her to be an introvert, then I’d choose a different way to describe her than ‘closeted’. The second part seems a bit vague at the moment – who is the crazed anarchist, and why does he/she want to divide them more? ‘Join forces’ sounds a bit more active than ‘form a bond’. Also – what brings the two protagonists together, other than a desire to stop someone driving them apart? If they’re already apart, why would they care that the anarchist wants to divide them (if they are already divided)? I’m not sure of the world we’re in at the moment – just a word or two about the setting/world would help.

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