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New Update feedback is much appreciated: A yakuza assassin defects after accepting a mission to escort a mysterious young girl. Uncovering her past, his mission becomes a desperate plight to save her.
Sounds like an intriguing story, but I'd try to shorten the logline and make it more active - something more like: When an ex-yakuza assassin takes on one last mission to to escort a mysterious young girl to (safety? A location?). he must (battle? destroy? outwit?) his ruthless bosses and a rogue goRead more
Sounds like an intriguing story, but I’d try to shorten the logline and make it more active – something more like:
When an ex-yakuza assassin takes on one last mission to to escort a mysterious young girl to (safety? A location?). he must (battle? destroy? outwit?) his ruthless bosses and a rogue government agency to finally earn his freedom.
See lessDesperate to fix a failed romance, a young genius invents a time machine to go back and tweak the relationship over… and over.. and over…. until he gets it right.
It sounds very similar to 'About Time' by Richard Curtis
It sounds very similar to ‘About Time’ by Richard Curtis
See lessWhen his gay cruise ship is invaded by terrorists, a veteran turned drag queen must use his skills to take down the thugs and save the day.
I would definitely watch this, and unlike some of the other feedback, I think this is very timely in a world where RuPaul's Drag Race is very popular. I think you could possibly tighten up the logline by making his goal clearer - e.g. 'before the terrorists do X'. Also, would it be stronger if the dRead more
I would definitely watch this, and unlike some of the other feedback, I think this is very timely in a world where RuPaul’s Drag Race is very popular. I think you could possibly tighten up the logline by making his goal clearer – e.g. ‘before the terrorists do X’. Also, would it be stronger if the drag queen’s former life as a veteran is secret and only revealed due to this conflict? That would also add in some conflict with people he knows on the ship. Is it his ship, or just a ship he’s performing on? Does he have to lead a band of drag queens against the terrorists? if so, I would DEFINITELY watch it.
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