Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
The Balcony-Scaler, The Train-Feeder, The Skin-Scratcher, and The Pornographic-Men. All serial killers. Their crimes committed the same decade, inside the same city where detectives will lose hope in search of justice.
I like the names and the set-up, but I'm not sure who the protagonist is, or what the stakes are. Is the story from the POV of one of the detectives? Are all these serial killers in league with one another?
I like the names and the set-up, but I’m not sure who the protagonist is, or what the stakes are. Is the story from the POV of one of the detectives? Are all these serial killers in league with one another?
See lessA young aspiring musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He learns the rich and famous are given strange powers for their so called accomplishments.
A young musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He competes with other celebrities, vying for power over the fate of the world?s largest fanbase. I think this is stronger, but there's still an issue with the timing - if he discoverRead more
A young musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He competes with other celebrities, vying for power over the fate of the world?s largest fanbase.
I think this is stronger, but there’s still an issue with the timing – if he discovers the conspiracy, then presumably it takes a while for him to become a star? In essence, where does the film start? Is he a star already or has he just discovered the conspiracy, or is he just about to discover it? All three of those are different stories, with different stakes.
The second part of the logline is better as we now see the antagonistic force (the other celebrities), but what are the stakes? I wasn’t sure what ‘fate of the world’s largest fanbase’ means – it sounds like the world’s largest fanbase is threatened with death. Also, the stakes should belong to the protagonist, not the fanbase, or others. In what way does he compete with celebrities?
See lessA young aspiring musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He learns the rich and famous are given strange powers for their so called accomplishments.
A young aspiring musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He learns the rich and famous are given strange powers for their so called accomplishments. I think the first part of the logline works better as you're setting up the protagRead more
A young aspiring musician discovers that the English language reveals a conspiracy, which he utilizes to make himself a star. He learns the rich and famous are given strange powers for their so called accomplishments.
I think the first part of the logline works better as you’re setting up the protagonist and the inciting incident (although it’s not clear what the conspiracy is – and does the English language *reveal* the conspiracy or is the conspiracy *contained* in the English language?). I don’t think you need ‘aspiring’ – ‘young’ covers it. The fact that he uses the conspiracy to become a star sounds like the set up of the story – or is him becoming a star the goal of the protagonist? (I would assume the latter, as discovering a conspiracy, then using it to become a star sounds like an entire story in itself, not a set up).
If becoming a star is the goal, then you need to make that clearer, and show how the antagonist is preventing it. At the moment, the second sentence of the logline seems unrelated to the first as it just sketches in a bit more about the world – but it doesn’t explain the strange powers. Is this the same power / conspiracy he/she uses to become a star?
See less