1. Posted: February 12, 2020In:

    After a student accidentally dies and she gets the blame, a burned-out teacher goes on the run, but when news spreads and kids? behaviour and test results improve nationwide, teachers unite and she must lead them in a revolution to bring fear and respect back to the classroom.

    Lotcher Samurai

    I think you?ve almost got the comedy across but there needs to be an antagonist to help punctuate the irony.Here?s a different take (with some alterations): When an overly-strict teacher intimidates her underperforming classroom by spreading rumours of killing a student, the murderer ? an unstable sRead more

    I think you?ve almost got the comedy across but there needs to be an antagonist to help punctuate the irony.

    Here?s a different take (with some alterations): When an overly-strict teacher intimidates her underperforming classroom by spreading rumours of killing a student, the murderer ? an unstable student councillor ? is tasked with assessing her psychology during undisciplined supervised ?teachings?.

    By the way, was your story idea inspired by this Rowan Atkinson Live skit, Headmaster Kills Student?

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  2. Posted: January 28, 2020In:

    A man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.

    Best Answer
    Lotcher Samurai

    This is a different take, but make of it what you will:"When a lone schizophrenic experiences relapse he must regain trust from the girl of his dreams whom holds partial control of his ever hostile subconscious."

    This is a different take, but make of it what you will:

    “When a lone schizophrenic experiences relapse he must regain trust from the girl of his dreams whom holds partial control of his ever hostile subconscious.”

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  3. Posted: February 6, 2020In:

    When his big brother goes missing in the wilderness, an anxious high-school senior heads into the wild to find him? accompanied by his brother?s ghost

    Lotcher Samurai

    It took me a bit to fully understand the logline since the closing statement made me think the protagonist found his brother's ghost in the wilderness. A few re-reads made me realise that wasn't the case, and though the 'ahhh ha' moment made the story much more compelling, it could be possible thatRead more

    It took me a bit to fully understand the logline since the closing statement made me think the protagonist found his brother’s ghost in the wilderness. A few re-reads made me realise that wasn’t the case, and though the ‘ahhh ha’ moment made the story much more compelling, it could be possible that some mightn’t draw to this conclusion.

    Since this is classed as “coming of age” perhaps state that this is protagonist’s long-lost brother, who is forever 18 or something, and now the protagonist is equal age with him indicating a conflict between the whole ‘bigger brother’ dynamic. There needs to be a little more conflict in this logline and I feel subtlety might be the right direction to describe it.

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