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Set in a gangland drinking den over a single night, a bounty hunter who sees flash visions of the future holds patrons hostage in order to trap an escaped prisoner but soon discovers the imminent arrival of a totally different kind of fugitive: a killer able to freeze time and project illusions.
The setting is never important in a logline, so you can lose that completely. You also need to lose some of the more flighty language to make the logline shorter. I get that you want to give a sense of urgency to it, but 52 words is much too long. Perhaps... "When a psychic bounty hunter holds a barRead more
The setting is never important in a logline, so you can lose that completely.
You also need to lose some of the more flighty language to make the logline shorter.
I get that you want to give a sense of urgency to it, but 52 words is much too long.
Perhaps…
“When a psychic bounty hunter holds a bar hostage, he must stop a killer able to stop time and create illusions, to trap an escaped prisoner.”
There’s 26 words and I think I’ve captured all you’re trying to get across.
Hope this helps.
See lessSet in a gangland drinking den over a single night, a bounty hunter who sees flash visions of the future holds patrons hostage in order to trap an escaped prisoner but soon discovers the imminent arrival of a totally different kind of fugitive: a killer able to freeze time and project illusions.
The setting is never important in a logline, so you can lose that completely. You also need to lose some of the more flighty language to make the logline shorter. I get that you want to give a sense of urgency to it, but 52 words is much too long. Perhaps... "When a psychic bounty hunter holds a barRead more
The setting is never important in a logline, so you can lose that completely.
You also need to lose some of the more flighty language to make the logline shorter.
I get that you want to give a sense of urgency to it, but 52 words is much too long.
Perhaps…
“When a psychic bounty hunter holds a bar hostage, he must stop a killer able to stop time and create illusions, to trap an escaped prisoner.”
There’s 26 words and I think I’ve captured all you’re trying to get across.
Hope this helps.
See lessA week after having leg surgery for which he would need 3 months rest, a 45 year old poor night guard returns to work in order to not loose his job and keep providing for his family. He encounters a group of burglars in a building garage and is unable to stop them.
You're missing a couple of things - a goal, and the inciting incident is not made clear - the surgery? the burglary?
You’re missing a couple of things – a goal, and the inciting incident is not made clear – the surgery? the burglary?
See less