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A week after having leg surgery for which he would need 3 months rest, a 45 year old poor night guard returns to work in order to not loose his job and keep providing for his family. He encounters a group of burglars in a building garage and is unable to stop them.
You're missing a couple of things - a goal, and the inciting incident is not made clear - the surgery? the burglary?
You’re missing a couple of things – a goal, and the inciting incident is not made clear – the surgery? the burglary?
See lessWhen an ancient spell book activates a cursed family heirloom, a part-time occult librarian teams up with an undead ex-cop to destroy a voodoo witchdoctor stealing souls to live forever.
Perhaps giving the book and/or the heirloom more of a sense of benevolence, I think I got stuck on how much better "cursed family heirloom" sounded without thinking whether or not "cursed" can sometimes be seen as a positive attribute - the Genie in Aladdin is cursed to live his life forever in theRead more
Perhaps giving the book and/or the heirloom more of a sense of benevolence, I think I got stuck on how much better “cursed family heirloom” sounded without thinking whether or not “cursed” can sometimes be seen as a positive attribute – the Genie in Aladdin is cursed to live his life forever in the lamp, but he has limitless power – that kind of thing.
The way I see it is the book and heirloom are merely tools that the nature of the possessor gives the aspect of a positive or negative thing – ergo, the witchdoctor is the antagonist.
However, since there is confusion to be had, I’ll concede the point. Especially since there does look to be a reason for the goal that is missing from the current logline as kbfilmworks said above.
See lessWhen an ancient spell book activates a cursed family heirloom, a part-time occult librarian teams up with an undead ex-cop to destroy a voodoo witchdoctor stealing souls to live forever.
Perhaps giving the book and/or the heirloom more of a sense of benevolence, I think I got stuck on how much better "cursed family heirloom" sounded without thinking whether or not "cursed" can sometimes be seen as a positive attribute - the Genie in Aladdin is cursed to live his life forever in theRead more
Perhaps giving the book and/or the heirloom more of a sense of benevolence, I think I got stuck on how much better “cursed family heirloom” sounded without thinking whether or not “cursed” can sometimes be seen as a positive attribute – the Genie in Aladdin is cursed to live his life forever in the lamp, but he has limitless power – that kind of thing.
The way I see it is the book and heirloom are merely tools that the nature of the possessor gives the aspect of a positive or negative thing – ergo, the witchdoctor is the antagonist.
However, since there is confusion to be had, I’ll concede the point. Especially since there does look to be a reason for the goal that is missing from the current logline as kbfilmworks said above.
See less