1: Still, it’s only the difference of one word, however, I’ll concede if this makes room for further description.

2: So, something like “when an apartment complex is infested with spider, etc… must to save his home” – connection made.

3: How would you tent an apartment complex?

Hmmm… I wonder if “fast-breeding flesh-eating spiders” could be considered overkill… oh well, if there’s room in the logline.

4: Again, why does somebody need a degree to study something? Perhaps ‘amateur’ might be a good substitute since the implication of youth and lack of qualification are both covered by its definition.

5: The plan requires the move before the plan can happen. The plan itself isn’t that important.

Although… it probably should be. Plan could lead to a connection, could lead to the move, etc…

I guess the connection between the kid and the war veteran needs to be mentioned.

We know we need to get rid of the spiders, so…

I guess if there’s a way to tie all that together, it would help greatly. Any suggestions on how to do that?

1: Perhaps.

2: Homes are generally important to people.

3: Spiders haven’t been “deadly” for decades. It’s just not believable anymore.

Although, if you have any other suggestions for how to make the logline ‘gripping’, I’d be happy to hear them.

4: ‘Wannabe’ tells people even less. Old? Young? Is he preparing to become an entomologist, or is he just very bad at it? More questions are asked than answered. And to make the character clearer, I’m going to get bogged down in a sentence long description of the little shit.

Finally… : You’re not seeing a written connection between forcing somebody out of their home and saving the complex because there isn’t one. The goal is quite clear, to save the residents.

As far as the spiders suddenly going away when the veteran moves out – most definitely, in a way.

Unfortunately, none of the above suggestions apply to my story.