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A new foster mother, walks away from her last hope of being a parent, when her teenager drives her uninsured car into the neighbour?s house.
I agree with the above comment - it seems like we jump in at the end of the story, or that it's thin on content. A simple fix for this logline might be to make it more active. Consider: "A new foster mother clutches to her hope of being a parent, which is jeopardized when her teenager wrecks their uRead more
I agree with the above comment – it seems like we jump in at the end of the story, or that it’s thin on content.
A simple fix for this logline might be to make it more active.
Consider:
See less“A new foster mother clutches to her hope of being a parent, which is jeopardized when her teenager wrecks their uninsured car.”
When a young woman foresees her community?s catastrophic doom, she must choose between keeping a solemn promise – and telling the life-saving truth.
Thank you! As soon as I posted, I realized I left out her concrete goal. "When a young woman foresees her community?s catastrophic doom, she struggles to regain her ability to speak in order to make the ultimate choice - to keep a promise or tell the life-saving truth." Thoughts?
Thank you! As soon as I posted, I realized I left out her concrete goal.
“When a young woman foresees her community?s catastrophic doom, she struggles to regain her ability to speak in order to make the ultimate choice – to keep a promise or tell the life-saving truth.”
Thoughts?
See lessIn a world run by machines, a timid young woman – holding a vital secret – must regain her ability to speak before everything she loves is destroyed.
I went ahead and resubmitted the revision. Find it here: https://loglines.org/when-a-young-woman-foresees-her-communitys-catastrophic-doom-during-an-accident-that-renders-her-without-speech-she-must-choose-between-keeping-a-solemn-promise-and-telling-the-life-saving/
I went ahead and resubmitted the revision. Find it here:
See lesshttps://loglines.org/when-a-young-woman-foresees-her-communitys-catastrophic-doom-during-an-accident-that-renders-her-without-speech-she-must-choose-between-keeping-a-solemn-promise-and-telling-the-life-saving/