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A space alien and her Paiute Indian female friend cause a day that Las Vegas stood still, thus alarming the earth leaders into disassembling all nuclear weapons.
I think the majority of my points from your alternative version of this logline still stand. This one makes less sense though. So Las Vegas stood still for a day and completely unprompted mankind thinks the logical next step is to disassemble all nuclear weapons. Independence Day is a great exampleRead more
I think the majority of my points from your alternative version of this logline still stand.
This one makes less sense though. So Las Vegas stood still for a day and completely unprompted mankind thinks the logical next step is to disassemble all nuclear weapons. Independence Day is a great example of what mankind will do with nuclear weapons when aliens appear and mess with us. Or Aliens (nuke the site from orbit). Mankind loves to fight and we have a long and bloody history to prove it. Aliens appearing isn’t going to change that – particularly when there’s no reason for it.
Hope this helps.
See lessYoung twin girls in ancient Egypt discover adoption records after their step-mother’s murder and sending a plea to the Pharaoh he is forced to pay for his past karma.
"Pay for his past karma" - what does that look like on screen? The story seems to head in one direction and then suddenly the Pharaoh is introduced and it switches to something else entirely. As Richiev asked - who is the lead character? Once you've decided that, write the whole thing from their perRead more
“Pay for his past karma” – what does that look like on screen?
The story seems to head in one direction and then suddenly the Pharaoh is introduced and it switches to something else entirely. As Richiev asked – who is the lead character? Once you’ve decided that, write the whole thing from their perspective. I. don’t understand what the Pharaoh has to do with anything at the moment…
Why is this set in ancient Egypt? If you’re going to go so far to set a story in such a specific location and time period I feel like I should understand why. At the moment I don’t see how this would be any different in modern day. I think in my mind, a studio wouldn’t spend the money to set it in ancient Egypt if it didn’t have to be.
See lessThis is my second choice: A space alien and her Paiute Indian female friend lands in a flying saucer on the Las Vegas Strip and demands that all nuclear weapons be disassemble or NO electricity for a decade.
Why is it important to know that her friend is a Paiute Indian female? What bearing does that have on the story? I'm not saying that you can't have the character BUT if it's not apparent in the logline what part she plays then take her out of the logline. I'm with Richiev... why is the alien doing tRead more
Why is it important to know that her friend is a Paiute Indian female? What bearing does that have on the story? I’m not saying that you can’t have the character BUT if it’s not apparent in the logline what part she plays then take her out of the logline.
I’m with Richiev… why is the alien doing this? As a film this could easily be over in 2 mins – alien lands, makes his demands, the end. This is basically the inciting incident and the real story is from the humans POV and what they do next.
Why Las Vegas too? I’m not sure it would make any difference where they landed as it currently stands.
Hope this helps.
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