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When a broken hearted assault victim finds self-defence classes, a hidden talent for martial arts is unlocked. Her powers are challenged by an enemy Kung Fu clan who seek to destroy her and the school. (Revised edition).
Why do the enemy clan want to destroy her and the school? A good way to make sure your villains are 3 dimensional is to write a logline from their perspective too. All the best villains have rational motives even if the audience doesn't necessarily agree with them. I think her journey from victim toRead more
Why do the enemy clan want to destroy her and the school? A good way to make sure your villains are 3 dimensional is to write a logline from their perspective too. All the best villains have rational motives even if the audience doesn’t necessarily agree with them.
I think her journey from victim to empowered is great! I just feel like we need to understand what she’s fighting for. If this fight puts her life on the line then why wouldn’t she just walk away? Why does she have to fight?
This does sound remarkably similar to The Karate Kid now – bullied kid finds martial arts and has to compete against the bullying rival clan. What’s the hook? What makes this story unique?
See lessAfter discovering their only son is gay, a Pentecostal family goes to extreme lengths to rid him of what they consider to be evil.
As Richiev pointed out, telling this story from the perspective of the parents is not the norm. Not saying it can't be done, but it might be really difficult to get the audience on side when their goal is to cure their son's homosexuality. Admittedly, they have the biggest journey to go on but theyRead more
As Richiev pointed out, telling this story from the perspective of the parents is not the norm. Not saying it can’t be done, but it might be really difficult to get the audience on side when their goal is to cure their son’s homosexuality. Admittedly, they have the biggest journey to go on but they have to be likeable within the first 15 mins of the film for the audience to stick with them. If they were faced by social pressures and scared to accept their son as different it could present a nice family drama. I see this as a drama too, currently at least.
Extreme lengths – what do extreme lengths look like on screen? We need more information to help us imagine this story completely. If these parents are torturing their son I really struggle to see how the audience will be on board with them BUT tell it from the son’s perspective and still show how conflicted the parents are and I think it would totally work.
Struggling to see this as a thriller… what makes it thrilling?
Hope this helps.
See lessFriendly ETs frequently rescue abducted humans from bad ETs that eat their prey. Now, they must stop humans from nuking the earth so the good ETs can have another living planet in their interstellar federation.
Why do these friendly ETs need another living planet in the interstellar federation? Is there any way to tell this story from the perspective of the humans? They're the one with the biggest journey to go on and the easiest ones for the audience to relate to. It also creates the most dramatic incitinRead more
Why do these friendly ETs need another living planet in the interstellar federation? Is there any way to tell this story from the perspective of the humans? They’re the one with the biggest journey to go on and the easiest ones for the audience to relate to. It also creates the most dramatic inciting incident – mankind finding out they are not alone in the universe.
How do these aliens plan on stopping humans nuking the earth? I’m struggling to see what’s going to happen other than people sitting around discussing things.
Personally, I think the whole friendly aliens saving humans from bad ones is great and I think that could be used more. There needs to be more conflict and more action going on.
You need a main character – alien or human – who the audience sees this story from the perspective of. Without that it’s very difficult to see anything other than nameless, faceless characters. There’s no heart to the story and that’s really important.
There’s definitely something in here so keep going. Ideally though, if you could put new versions of the logline within this post. It makes it easier for everyone to follow its evolution.
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