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A rural schoolhouse is destroyed by an earthquake, five volunteers arrive to rebuild it, but the actions of one derail the entire endeavour.
Agree with everything Dkpough1 said. Why is the antagonist actually trying to derail the endeavour? The antagonist should have a goal that's as clear, visual and understandable as the protagonist. Is this guy knowingly trying to stop the whole thing or is he accidentally doing it? Without a good goaRead more
Agree with everything Dkpough1 said.
Why is the antagonist actually trying to derail the endeavour? The antagonist should have a goal that’s as clear, visual and understandable as the protagonist. Is this guy knowingly trying to stop the whole thing or is he accidentally doing it? Without a good goal for the bad guy, you end up with flat lifeless villains – a problem that a lot of superhero movies have/had. A good exercise is to write the logline from the antagonist’s POV too and see whether you have an inciting incident and corresponding goal that work and sound realistic, interesting, and visual.
It’s usually always better to have a single protagonist like the leader of the group. Danny Ocean (Ocean’s 11), Mikey (The Goonies), Gordie (Stand By Me) are all examples of this. The protagonist is the emotional conduit for the audience, we learn who this person is and react with them as they experience the story. It’s a lot easier to have an emotional response when we’re only seeing how one character feels about a situation. We feel through them.
Hope this helps.
See lessSet in the year 1693: When they flee the Salem witch trials and end up in the land of the Wendigo, a naive Witch must use the dangerous power of the Black Flame in order to protect her and her sisters from ferocious demon.
If the story is about the witches vs the wendigo then personally I'd consider scrapping the whole bit about the Salem Witch Trials. I get that it's potentially important to the setting but the story doesn't seem to really have anything to do with them and, in theory, could take place in any time orRead more
If the story is about the witches vs the wendigo then personally I’d consider scrapping the whole bit about the Salem Witch Trials. I get that it’s potentially important to the setting but the story doesn’t seem to really have anything to do with them and, in theory, could take place in any time or place. As Dkpough1 said, it actually confuses things by adding an additional inciting incident which is never resolved. If the trials come into play more then you need to figure out which story strand is the spine of the story and which is merely a subplot.
How about the witches unwillingly introduce the wendigo to the real world when they attempt to hide from the trials in an alternate dimension and come back to rescue the people of Salem cos… y’know… they’re nice witches. Just a thought.
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen Jack saw a dream that his only daughter killed by a boy ?jack try to find and kill that boy?
Why can't he just stop the boy killing his daughter? Why does he have to kill him? The goal is to save the daughter NOT kill the boy first. This immediately creates sympathy for the protagonist and is much more logical. If the boy dies in the process then so be it but that's not his intention. All hRead more
Why can’t he just stop the boy killing his daughter? Why does he have to kill him? The goal is to save the daughter NOT kill the boy first. This immediately creates sympathy for the protagonist and is much more logical. If the boy dies in the process then so be it but that’s not his intention. All he should want to do is save his daughter.
In the logline there is a fundamental piece of information missing. Without knowing that what Jack dreams comes true the whole logline is just bizarre. Jack just sounds crazy and not the good kind.
Check out the “Our formula” page for help with formatting. It’s not far off but you can definitely lose the “…” and consider giving Jack a characteristic to flesh out his character a bit. Is he a good father? Drunk? Estranged?
Hope this helps.
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