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When her estranged country singing father witnesses a murder, the teenage ballet dancer must save him from getting killed.
I feel like the inciting incident should happen to the protagonist. I want to know why he can't save himself and this therefore becomes the responsibility of his daughter. Could it be the daughter who witnesses a murder at the hands of someone her father knows. He then tries to protect her by turninRead more
I feel like the inciting incident should happen to the protagonist. I want to know why he can’t save himself and this therefore becomes the responsibility of his daughter. Could it be the daughter who witnesses a murder at the hands of someone her father knows. He then tries to protect her by turning his back on his life and road tripping with her to safety.
Why is she a ballet dancer? How does this come into play. With characteristics and descriptions, it’s best to use things that give the reader clues as to how that character will grow (their arc) over the course of the film or how they’ll deal with conflict. If it’s not relevant to the plot maybe consider taking it out of the logline. For example if you did a logline for Jaws you could say “local sheriff” or similar as it not only gives us the “why him” answer (because he’s the sheriff, it’s his job to protect the town), it also tells us a little about his character (he’s a leader, he’s a good guy, he’s a protector). Same goes for the country singing father – is he a drunk? is he abusive? is he kind? is he just unlucky? For the record, I really like the idea that he’s a country singer and she’s a ballet dancer – it does tell us something about them but I wonder if we get enough to understand how it might affect the character’s choices.
I’m kinda seeing this as more of a thriller rather than an action film.
I hope this all makes sense and helps in some way.
See lessA man makes numerous phone calls trying to negotiate his own safety while travelling to his gangster boss to confess his failure, finally having to settle for saving his family from revenge.
Have you seen Locke? A great film with Tom Hardy. The whole film takes place in one car, on one journey, told through phone conversations he has on the road. Your idea made me think of this.
Have you seen Locke? A great film with Tom Hardy. The whole film takes place in one car, on one journey, told through phone conversations he has on the road. Your idea made me think of this.
See lessWhen the prison transfer bus crashes in a remote mountain forest, a rookie officer must use her training to tame the violent inmates as well as survive against dangerous wildlife and a harsh blizzard while they await rescue.
It feels a little over the top to me. They're driving through a remote mountain forest (why would a prison bus be driving through a remote mountain forest?), there are violent inmates whom she must round up, there's dangerous wildlife (I can't imagine any wildlife would come within 100m of a bus craRead more
It feels a little over the top to me. They’re driving through a remote mountain forest (why would a prison bus be driving through a remote mountain forest?), there are violent inmates whom she must round up, there’s dangerous wildlife (I can’t imagine any wildlife would come within 100m of a bus crash and a crowd of people), and also a blizzard to contend with. At the very least, I’d remove the wildlife element – animals generally hunker down in blizzards much like humans do. I kinda feel like female rookie officer is a little clich? too – why female? and why a rookie? It’s a tough situation for anyone so I don’t think you need to push the odds to the point of unbelievability.?I can’t believe she’d be the only officer there so why is she the protagonist? If all the others are injured in the crash then I struggle to see why violent inmates (who are not adverse to beating, raping, and killing) wouldn’t just finish her off and make a run for it.
The whole concept reminds me of Alien 3. This isn’t meant as a criticism haha.
I think there’s a story in here but it’s buried in impossible odds.
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