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When a Native American curse raises the dead to descend on a sleepy frontier town, a penitent gunslinger, sentenced to hang, seeks redemption by leading the townsfolk in their desperate fight for survival.
I've amended slightly. He's waiting for his brother and the rest of his crew to come and bust him out of jail so he's sticking around because that's where they expect him to be and he doesn't want them to walk into this zombie infested town if he's not there. There'd be lots of other factors keepingRead more
I’ve amended slightly. He’s waiting for his brother and the rest of his crew to come and bust him out of jail so he’s sticking around because that’s where they expect him to be and he doesn’t want them to walk into this zombie infested town if he’s not there. There’d be lots of other factors keeping him there, the horses are all killed, the lawmen are keeping a close eye on him, he knows he’s got a better chance of survival than out in the wilderness etc. Early on, it’d be established that either his brother will come and rescue him or the hangman and city lawmen will arrive. It’d start as a straight western with a ticking clock from the get go. I figured this new version adds the fewest words whilst at least going someway to justify why he’s staying there.
See lessAn incessant granny is kidnapped by two dim-witted crooks and used to hold her wealthy son to ransom. When her son refuses to pay she must forge her own escape and find the reason why.
I really like the new version. Just a few additional points... I agree with mrliteral... "incessant" is possibly not the word you mean. Have you ever seen The Ladykillers (the original with Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers)? You could maybe take some inspiration from that as there are some similaritiRead more
I really like the new version. Just a few additional points…
I agree with mrliteral… “incessant” is possibly not the word you mean.
Have you ever seen The Ladykillers (the original with Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers)? You could maybe take some inspiration from that as there are some similarities. Mrs Wilberforce is a great character!
I don’t think you need to say “find the reason why”. It’s a comedy so you can easily set up the mother/son relationship to be comedically strained in some way – she sees him as a selfish ingrate, he sees her as a freeloader just after his hard earned cash. You could throw a huge twist in… she’s actually part of the whole thing because he won’t pay for her to go to a nice nursing home? I think the ‘why’ though will gradually reveal itself through the story, it’s not necessarily the end goal. This is just my opinion though… others may disagree.
I also agree with mrliteral about considering making the criminals not so dim-witted – just to make her victory that much sweeter! Even in Home Alone (1 & 2… let’s pretend the others don’t exist) whilst Harry & Marv are admittedly fairly incompetent, they do get the upper hand only for Kevin to be saved by Old Man Marley in 1 and the Pigeon Lady in 2. These are great examples of introducing subplots into the main. Something to consider.
Hope this helps.
See lessAn incessant granny is kidnapped by two dim-witted crooks and used to hold her wealthy son to ransom. When her son refuses to pay she must forge her own escape and find the reason why.
There is currently no explanation as to why these two crooks would use this granny to hold a loan shark to ransom. I don't get why this loan shark would care? If it's the loan shark's granny then sure... but currently it's not. Holding someone to ransom works best when it's someone that people careRead more
There is currently no explanation as to why these two crooks would use this granny to hold a loan shark to ransom. I don’t get why this loan shark would care? If it’s the loan shark’s granny then sure… but currently it’s not. Holding someone to ransom works best when it’s someone that people care about.
How does “proves to be more dangerous than she’s worth” work visually? Film is a visual medium, you need to tell us what’s actually going to be happening on screen.
Who’s the protagonist and what’s the goal? If it’s the crooks (ideally make a single protagonist), how are you going to make the audience get behind two dim-witted crooks who kidnap old people? There’s certainly comedy value but I’m not sure how long it would last.
As a suggestion why not make the granny the protagonist. A little old octogenarian channelling Kevin McAllister and single-handedly outfoxing two criminals and their loan shark. Much easier to get behind her, particularly if she’s a feisty old dear.
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