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When an MMA fighter finds out that her estranged country singing father has witnessed a murder and was injured resulting in amnesia, she must overcome her abandonment issues and protect him from the murderer.
Can't help but wonder... if he has amnesia then surely the killer's got nothing to worry about? Why don't they just go to the police? Surely they could protect him better and then she doesn't have to worry about dealing with these issues? Can I ask what films this will be similar too? Is it a buddy/Read more
Can’t help but wonder… if he has amnesia then surely the killer’s got nothing to worry about? Why don’t they just go to the police? Surely they could protect him better and then she doesn’t have to worry about dealing with these issues?
Can I ask what films this will be similar too? Is it a buddy/father/daughter comedy action – like 48hrs/Rush Hour? Or is it more serious and darker – like Logan?
I think you need to trim the inciting incident down. At 22 words it’s a little long and could easily be shortened.
Hope this helps.
See lessA rookie female detective, out to prove herself, is tasked with protecting a single mother and her son when a serial killer learns that the young boy claims to be the re-incarnation of one of his victims, and tries to kill him again.
I agree with all previous comments. My biggest question though is why does the killer care? Unless this boy can remember incriminating facts about the killer then surely, knowing this is a sure fire way to get caught, he'd just steer clear. What is it about the reincarnated person that the killer deRead more
I agree with all previous comments.
My biggest question though is why does the killer care? Unless this boy can remember incriminating facts about the killer then surely, knowing this is a sure fire way to get caught, he’d just steer clear. What is it about the reincarnated person that the killer deems so important that he must risk his life to kill him again. Just as the protagonist must have a clear visual goal, the antagonist’s goal must also be clear. How does the killer even learn about this? If the mother found out that her son was a serial killer’s victim reincarnated wouldn’t she just keep quiet? This setup also means that this serial killer has been wanted for at least say 4/5 years minimum? The boy has to be old enough to be able to express that he’s reincarnated. What’s the killer been doing all this time?
I feel there’s a ?lot of implausibility that, whilst it initially sounds cool, actually ends up asking too much of the audience. The reincarnation bit is the hook – the audience must buy into this so strengthen how that element works. The boy can’t just claim that he is… there has to be undeniable proof!
Hope this helps.
See lessA survivor in an apocalyptic world keeps experiencing visions when they encounter new people and places while travelling to “Haven”, where they believe they would find a place to belong.
>>> "believe they would find a place to belong" Why is he looking for somewhere to belong? How is this going to work visually? As Richiev pointed out, the inciting incident should set up the goal. The I.I. is the event that throws off the balance in the protagonist's life. His goal is to coRead more
>>> “believe they would find a place to belong”
Why is he looking for somewhere to belong? How is this going to work visually?
As Richiev pointed out, the inciting incident should set up the goal. The I.I. is the event that throws off the balance in the protagonist’s life. His goal is to correct this imbalance. If the I.I. is him having visions – then the goal is to stop (or maybe understand) them. Have you seen Explorers (1985)? In that film, a young Ethan Hawke has dreams that show him how to build a space ship. The dreams are leading him to a goal. He doesn’t necessarily understand why he’s building it but he’s taking positive action to correcting the balance. The visions in your story need to be telling this survivor (he needs a characteristic I think) something that he must do. Visions of the child he thought he’d lost. Visions of an energy source that will change the world. There has to be a reason why the visions would stop (thus correcting the balance) when he gets to Haven. A lot of adventure films have a McGuffin. Check out the book “Save the Cat” by Blake Snyder and read the chapter on the Golden Fleece genre.
I hope this helps in some way.
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