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When a son is chosen to take over his father’s billion dollar company, he must adjust to the world of business and his newfound power.
Agree with Richiev's questions and will add the following: >>> "must adjust to the world of business and his newfound power" How is this going to work visually? Film is a visual medium and you need to think about how these things will be represented on screen. When you have that clear in yoRead more
Agree with Richiev’s questions and will add the following:
>>> “must adjust to the world of business and his newfound power”
How is this going to work visually? Film is a visual medium and you need to think about how these things will be represented on screen. When you have that clear in your mind, tell us that in your logline.
What’s the son’s arc going to be? Give him a characteristic to give us a clue why this is worth watching. Is he meek? selfish? cocky? a bully? etc etc etc. This will tell us a lot about what sort of story we’ll be watching.
Addressing all of these (and Richiev’s points) will help us care about the story.
See less“When her domineering boyfriend forces her to join the army the Potomac with him, a meek farmgirl fights for the North and for her relationship as she succeeds in battle just as his cowardice grows.”
There's definitely something in all this. As dpg said, the true story of a woman being unmasked by her pregnancy is great. I think there's something incredibly romantic about the women joining to be with their husbands and the audience wouldn't struggle to get behind her if she signed up under her oRead more
There’s definitely something in all this. As dpg said, the true story of a woman being unmasked by her pregnancy is great.
I think there’s something incredibly romantic about the women joining to be with their husbands and the audience wouldn’t struggle to get behind her if she signed up under her own volition. If he’s forcing her though, the romance dies straight away. His motivation for joining can stay the same and he can turn into a bully when his cowardice (and her prowess) starts showing. As she gets promoted, he almost reveals her true identity to a group of her soldiers resulting in an epic “I am Spartacus” moment where all the soldiers express their loyalty regardless of her gender (even though it’s never confirmed at this moment). This way her desire to save the relationship (and therefore enlist) is totally understandable and more importantly she’s never been forced to do anything. Her merry band of soldiers then becomes her family in a way that the boyfriend (why not husband?) never was and she realises that she wasn’t as happy as she thought she was. The boyfriend then becomes the antagonist. It’s a classic Fool Triumphant (Undercover Fool) film with the boyfriend becoming the “Insider”. Final act is her fighting and winning on the battlefield but she gets mortally wounded and is at death’s door. Her disguise slips and her commanding officer (who represents the establishment and strictly anti-women in war), despite the truth being revealed orders her soldiers to carry “his” body to the med-tent. She ends up dying as a medal is pinned on her. We then discover that the whole story is being told to her child who was raised by her tent-mate with the help of the rest of her band of soldiers.
After enlisting incognito to fight by her husband’s side during the Civil War, a meek farmgirl discovers her true calling as she’s promoted through the ranks while her cowardly husband flounders and threatens to unmask her.
Lacks a clear goal but I really like the idea of a Fool Triumphant based on real life.
I hope you find a story in all this. I would watch it!
See lessAfter a group of homeless friends moves into a train station to escape a shelter bully, its leader takes a stand to protect them and give them the best New Year.
I think it'd be worth clarifying who the leader is. Is he the leader of the the station? The shelter? Or simply the leader of the group? Give him a characteristic too. Something that can hint at his journey perhaps or motivation. If they've escaped the shelter and are now at the station why do theyRead more
I think it’d be worth clarifying who the leader is. Is he the leader of the the station? The shelter? Or simply the leader of the group? Give him a characteristic too. Something that can hint at his journey perhaps or motivation.
If they’ve escaped the shelter and are now at the station why do they still need protecting?
As a general rule, the inciting incident should relate to the goal in some way e.g. shark kills tourist, men try to kill shark. With this inciting incident I would expect the group to get their revenge on the bully. There’s no point having the bully if he/she never gets their comeuppance. All the friends have a great new year but the bully gets away with it? What’s the message?
I’m assuming you mean New Year’s celebration. As OlDustyDogg said, why is this important? Is this set in a city, town, village? That’s very important for the audience to imagine what the train station is like? Grand Central would be very different to Nowhere, Illinois.
I like the concept. Think you just need to clarify a few things and tie it all together.
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