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A young, hot-headed loner must embark on a dark, twisted odyssey in Miami to rescue his sister from being forced into prostitution by mysterious kidnappers.
I agree with Richiev's reply and subsequent post. All of my questions should have been answered by the logline. If you're sending loglines to a producer, you won't get the opportunity to answer these questions in a follow-up. Chances are, if there are questions like these, the producer would just moRead more
I agree with Richiev’s reply and subsequent post.
All of my questions should have been answered by the logline. If you’re sending loglines to a producer, you won’t get the opportunity to answer these questions in a follow-up. Chances are, if there are questions like these, the producer would just move onto the next.
See lessA young, hot-headed loner must embark on a dark, twisted odyssey in Miami to rescue his sister from being forced into prostitution by mysterious kidnappers.
I think there's an interesting premise here but I have a couple of comments: "young" - how young? Young could be 6, could be 16, could even be 26. Loglines (most of the time) thrive on specificity. "dark, twisted odyssey" - same comment as above - specifically, what happens? Think visually, what wilRead more
I think there’s an interesting premise here but I have a couple of comments:
“young” – how young? Young could be 6, could be 16, could even be 26. Loglines (most of the time) thrive on specificity.
“dark, twisted odyssey” – same comment as above – specifically, what happens? Think visually, what will we see on screen?
“Miami” – I don’t think we need a location. The plot remains identical if this was replaced with New York, LA, London, Sydney, Tokyo… etc. Only include a location if, without it, the logline makes no sense.
Final point (and this one is a bit more problematic) – His sister has been kidnapped (I think it’s important we know how old she is too but we can probably get something from his age)… how does the protagonist know that she’s being forced into prostitution?? It’s not the sort of thing you’d find out about until she was found.
Instead, consider that his sister has fallen into the wrong crowd her boyfriend/pimp is forcing her into prostitution and never lets her leave. This makes sense and gets around the problematic kidnapping element.
Food for thought. Interested to see where it goes.
Hope it helps.
See less1. When domestic violence is unleashed on her 24 year old self, the social media-ite must defuse his assaults before she’s loved to death.
I am so confused. You've said that she "slit[s] his throat from ear to ear" but also that "her life would end like this". So she's dead but he's also dead. So who's the judge judging? Or did you mean "end UP like this"? That suggests she's still alive. One word makes a huge difference!!! As RichievRead more
I am so confused. You’ve said that she “slit[s] his throat from ear to ear” but also that “her life would end like this”. So she’s dead but he’s also dead. So who’s the judge judging? Or did you mean “end UP like this”? That suggests she’s still alive. One word makes a huge difference!!!
As Richiev said, what does “defuse his assaults” mean?
“loved to death” if he assaults her, that’s not love!
I’m trying to work out what this story is actually about (which is never a good thing), but I think it’s about a girl on trial for killing her boyfriend in self-defence after he assaulted her? Is that right?
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