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A hot-tempered roofer and his baked teenage apprentice climb the ladder of the trade world and swindle their way to success.
This isn't really a logline. Check out the formula page for more guidance on this. What's special about the particular period we're following these two? Why now? Why is this different to their "normal" life? What the inciting incident that kicks this whole story off? What are these two trying to achRead more
This isn’t really a logline. Check out the formula page for more guidance on this.
What’s special about the particular period we’re following these two? Why now? Why is this different to their “normal” life?
What the inciting incident that kicks this whole story off? What are these two trying to achieve? These are fundamentals of a logline.
How are they swindling people? Are they doing it for the greater good – conventional heroes? Or are they anti-heroes?
See lessUnforgiven meets House of 1,000 Corpses.
As Karel said. A logline is a concise summary of the plot upto either the midpoint or the beginning of the final act, phrased as a single sentence. Easiest thing to do, is read other peoples and the corresponding comments. Even as a comp, I'm struggling to tie those two together. Which elements areRead more
As Karel said.
A logline is a concise summary of the plot upto either the midpoint or the beginning of the final act, phrased as a single sentence. Easiest thing to do, is read other peoples and the corresponding comments.
Even as a comp, I’m struggling to tie those two together. Which elements are taken from which? A comp with no additional information, especially when it’s simply a “movie meets movie” comp, can be tough to sell simply because how is the reader/listener supposed to understand which elements from which? Say something like “Jaws in space” (Alien) and you get what sort of plot you’re looking at. Or give us a something that suggests a distinct visual style, or method of storytelling. Or a well-known film thrown into another genre – “Home Alone as a horror”. Whatever it is, a comp must be as specific as possible, as a logline should. It’s your idea, make sure people see your idea.
See lessIn a world, where a city is constantly tormented by superhuman creatures called enigmas, three young adults, a cocky hothead, a blunt but caring diplomat, and an energetic adrenaline junkie, discover they?re a part of the enigma population but decide to use their powers to defend Apollo City.
In logline terms, at 48 words, it's a little long. I don't think we need to know that they are called enigmas. Whilst it's interesting, in plot terms it makes very little difference. I think it would be stronger if there was a single protagonist who leads the other two, however, if you wanted to stiRead more
In logline terms, at 48 words, it’s a little long. I don’t think we need to know that they are called enigmas. Whilst it’s interesting, in plot terms it makes very little difference.
I think it would be stronger if there was a single protagonist who leads the other two, however, if you wanted to stick to three then I would scrap the descriptions and just go with “three idealistic superhumans”.
I don’t really understand why the enigmas are tormenting the city in the first place. It seems a little 2-dimensional.
Surely these characters know they’re enigmas from the start? If one of them is caring, why, just because he’s discovered he’s an enigma, would he suddenly start attacking the city just because the other enigmas do.
I think more work is needed on the whole enigma thing – or at least how it comes across in the logline. I like the idea of some characters bucking the trend and standing up for something they’re supposed to be attacking. Although, three against however many other enigmas… seems like an impossible task.
“Apollo City” – don’t use names in a logline. It doesn’t add anything.
You don’t need a comma after “world” either – it might be super nit-picky but some producers might see a simple grammatical error and make a snap judgement on the quality of your writing based on it. It’s easy to avoid typos and grammatical issues in a logline and can make a big difference.
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