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I think this is heading in the right direction. Does the protagonist believe that he is the last of his kind? If so, I think that's important. As Richiev highlighted, I think it might be good to specify who or what this protagonist is. I'd consider adding another factor - this girl is lost and she'sRead more
I think this is heading in the right direction.
Does the protagonist believe that he is the last of his kind? If so, I think that’s important.
As Richiev highlighted, I think it might be good to specify who or what this protagonist is.
I’d consider adding another factor – this girl is lost and she’s trying to find her way home too. If this girl appears in the first act of the film and is a big enough character to effectively provide the story for everything else that happens, then she’s going to be there for the duration so I think she needs to have a goal too. It’s a Buddy Love story.
Maybe (and I kinda like this idea) she spreads fear and he spreads joy. She displays the same characteristics as him but is actually a different species and this could say something about the world we live in today. This could be a nice midpoint or Act II climax reveal.
When he finds a lost girl who seems to be one of his species, a lonely elf who believed he was the last of his kind must find a way to get her home in the hope it will lead him to a family he lost centuries ago.?
They’re both looking for family and he has his own selfish motive intertwined with an altruistic one. I think the bit about him “spreading joy to others” is possibly unnecessary… it tells me a little about his character but I’m not sure it does anything to the plot.
What’s the ending? What’s the message?
Excited to see where this goes next.
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I agree with the others. Receiving criticism is never easy but, as Richiev said, it's kinda down to how you interpret it. Just know that everyone here is in the same boat. We are all trying to write good stories and every bit of feedback you receive should be helpful (even if it may feel overly negaRead more
I agree with the others. Receiving criticism is never easy but, as Richiev said, it’s kinda down to how you interpret it. Just know that everyone here is in the same boat. We are all trying to write good stories and every bit of feedback you receive should be helpful (even if it may feel overly negative). If someone is just being a dick… ignore them. It’s not worth the effort!
In my experience, people comment less on a logline that’s not too bad or even pretty good. I think that’s the nature of this logline beast to be honest – most of the comments you receive will probably be more critical BUT you have the right to reply. But it is most definitely not personal and shouldn’t be taken that way. There have been times in the past where I have taken comments too personally, and I’m sure others have too, but I always try and remember that the only person who has all the information about my idea is me. The only bit that everyone else has is whatever 35 or so words I choose to put in the logline. If something is unclear, or prompts questions, then I expect someone to highlight it… more than that, I want?someone to highlight it. The comments I receive here are likely to reflect comments that a potential producer would have so if I can get as few comments here as possible, I know that there’s a chance a producer might at least give it a chance.
Ultimately, as thedarkhorse said, take what you need. Nobody else is going to write it but you. Trust yourself because you know what you’re trying to achieve.
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"A solitary traveller who magically spreads joy to others"... If you're referring to Santa Claus, say Santa Claus. If it's not Santa Claus... I'm wondering why it's not Santa Claus hahaha. I agree with thedarkhorse, the 1926 LA setting is somewhat irrelevant in this film. Nothing would change if thiRead more
“A solitary traveller who magically spreads joy to others”… If you’re referring to Santa Claus, say Santa Claus. If it’s not Santa Claus… I’m wondering why it’s not Santa Claus hahaha.
I agree with thedarkhorse, the 1926 LA setting is somewhat irrelevant in this film. Nothing would change if this film was set in the modern day. Only include the “time period” if the story simply could not be told at other time.
Why is the toy-making capitalist thwarting the protagonist’s quest to find his family? It seems like a very “evil for the sake of evil” motive. I can understand why a toymaking capitalist would want to dominate Christmas and take over from Santa – the 1985 Christmas classic, Santa Claus: the Movie is exactly that (if you haven’t seen it, watch it!), but that’s not what’s going on here… he’s trying to stop this guy finding his family?? Makes no sense. How does the antagonist even know that he’s looking for his family?
I would suggest putting this in the “Family” category. Sounds like a perfect family film to me.
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