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After the fall of the Monster Hunters Union brought on by the people they wronged, it is a time when human worth is determined by the strength of the monster they have ownership over.
Who has the Monster Hunters Union wronged? How have they been wronged? I think we may need a little more information about the world... there are people who hunt monsters, but also people have ownership over monsters like they are pets? In terms of the characters in the story, what's the connectionRead more
Who has the Monster Hunters Union wronged? How have they been wronged? I think we may need a little more information about the world… there are people who hunt monsters, but also people have ownership over monsters like they are pets? In terms of the characters in the story, what’s the connection between the two?
Does this end up being a dog-fighting type thing just with monsters?
Who is the protagonist? What is the event that kick-started this story? What goal does this set up for the protagonist?
Many of your loglines give us a premise but lack a story within that world. I think this is a shame, because some of the worlds you create are interesting. A logline needs that story – that’s simply what a logline is.
Hope this helps.
See lessA one-armed young man obsesses over becoming an astronaut after a final discussion with his girlfriend, and turns to criminal actions to fulfill his desire after the space agency rejects him.
I still struggle to see the message from this as being a positive one about how inequality can be tackled. Your protagonist, the guy you want the audience to sympathise and empathise way, decides that the only way to achieve his goal is to rob banks, murder people, and hijack a rocket. It seems to mRead more
I still struggle to see the message from this as being a positive one about how inequality can be tackled. Your protagonist, the guy you want the audience to sympathise and empathise way, decides that the only way to achieve his goal is to rob banks, murder people, and hijack a rocket. It seems to me that the message is that criminal behaviour is an appropriate response to an unfair world… or maybe that’s the point? That an unfair world is the cause of these sorts of behaviours?
Do you want this to be a downer ending that says something pretty damning about mankind or something that’s about the strength of the human spirit in overcoming disability?
See lessThis romantic, sci-fi action fantasy is set in a medieval world where war is common and survival is a daily struggle. The young heroine, Betha must persevere to overcome beasts, barbarians, ice Vikings, mythical creatures, elves and savages throughout the kingdom who all want her head.
We don't need names in a logline. It takes up valuable words - a logline should ideally be under 40 words. If there's a certain amount of world building required to understand the story then, obviously, go for it. It's a guideline only. Check out the formula page to help with how a logline should beRead more
We don’t need names in a logline. It takes up valuable words – a logline should ideally be under 40 words. If there’s a certain amount of world building required to understand the story then, obviously, go for it. It’s a guideline only.
Check out the formula page to help with how a logline should be formatted. The main things we need though are an inciting incident (something that kick starts the story and poses a question for the protagonist), a protagonist, and a goal (that is the protagonist’s answer to the question posed in the inciting incident).
Currently, all we have is a situation where your protagonist is simply avoiding being killed and battling people/creatures. To what end? Why do they want her head? What’s she trying to achieve? Who is Betha? How young is young? 8 or 20?
It’s more Fantasy than SciFi. SciFi, to me, is taking the world as we know and advancing it in some or many scientific ways. Space travel, aliens, futuristic worlds, etc. etc. I think setting it in a medieval world with mythical creatures – this screams Fantasy. Game of Thrones is a Fantasy. Not a SciFi. It might seem trivial, but if a production company are looking to make a new “Game of Thrones” type show and they search their loglines by genre… yours won’t come up.
Where’s the romance element?
Ultimately, I think we have a good idea of the world but no sense of the story. Story is the most important thing in a logline. A logline IS the story – albeit condensed into 40 words or less (ideally).
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