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A journalist who escaped an abusive religious cult plans to sneak back in and get his younger brother out, but his plan goes awry when the cult leader’s prophecies come true and all current members receive supernatural powers.
I like this idea but, as Scott said, it's a little wordy. I think the massive escalation in the difficulty of the goal (at the midpoint?) is interesting and a nice take on the "religious cult" trope. I would consider running this through the logline generator to trim it down and focus on how the incRead more
I like this idea but, as Scott said, it’s a little wordy.
I think the massive escalation in the difficulty of the goal (at the midpoint?) is interesting and a nice take on the “religious cult” trope.
I would consider running this through the logline generator to trim it down and focus on how the inciting incident and the goal are connected. To me, the I.I. is probably the moment he discovers that his brother is part of the cult. I don’t think the journalist should have already escaped from the cult – we know that it’s possible if he’s done it already. I think he should be investigating strange disappearances that have been linked to the cult and he discovers his brother has been kidnapped. This makes his goal to escape with his brother perfectly logical but also very logically sets up his reason for being there in the first place. The first questions I had when I read the logline was “why was the journalist in the cult to start with and why didn’t he take his brother the first time he escaped?”.
The thing I like about this is that there’s a great escalation in the difficulty of his goal. First, it’s simply to find out what the cult is doing – as a journalist it’s his job. Second, when he discovers his brother’s been kidnapped, it’s escape with his brother. Then, finally, it’s escape with his brother against supernatural beings.
I kinda feel like this is more action/adventure than horror. It’s a little bit Temple of Doom like. There’s nothing that I find particularly scary and I can imagine a lot of action scenes but that’s perhaps just me.
You could set this logline up with a MPR – it could just start with him investigating the disappearance of local kids that’s been linked to the cult. But when he discovers his brother has been taken, it’s not about the truth, it’s about getting him out alive.
Keep working on it. I’m intrigued to see where it goes.
See lessWhen Mads is released from prison, his greatest desire is to come out and be a father to his 10-year-old daughter, whom he has not seen for 3 years, but when he finds out she is deadly ill and the mother forbids him to see her , he dresses up like a hospital clown to have an opportunity to be something for his daughter before she dies.
We don't need names in a logline - takes up valuable words. Speaking of which, ideally a logline should be less than 40 words (ish). I'd recommend sticking this in the "logline generator" to come up with something that's a little shorter but also follows a more conventional format. I think the ideaRead more
We don’t need names in a logline – takes up valuable words. Speaking of which, ideally a logline should be less than 40 words (ish). I’d recommend sticking this in the “logline generator” to come up with something that’s a little shorter but also follows a more conventional format.
I think the idea certainly has merit but I can’t help but feel like once he’s got into the hospital once as a clown, that’s the end of the story. His goal should be something that, the quest to do it, can sustain a 90mins+ runtime. Tricky though, as I imagine the logline for Mrs. Doubtfire was incredibly similar. In that film though, I think his ultimate goal is to legally and legitimately be seen as capable of being a responsible parent – it’s only by becoming Mrs. Doubtfire does he actually learn how to do this and he also learns more about his children, his ex-wife, and himself. So what is your character’s ultimate goal? He dresses as a clown in order to see his daughter but what does he try and achieve after that? You said “be something for his daughter”… I’d consider unpacking that as I feel like that’s what this story is really about.
Hope this helps.
See lessAs she attempts another comeback, a bottom of the bottle b list movie queen recounts her rise to the top.
I quite like this idea. I would maybe adjust it slightly to fit a more conventional logline format. I also think that if she's a a movie queen who has risen to the top already, why does she need a comeback? Here's my take: When she's offered a starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster, a fallen-from-Read more
I quite like this idea. I would maybe adjust it slightly to fit a more conventional logline format. I also think that if she’s a a movie queen who has risen to the top already, why does she need a comeback? Here’s my take:
When she’s offered a starring role in a Hollywood blockbuster, a fallen-from-grace former teen icon recounts her rise to the top as she battles her secret alcoholism in order to claw her way back on the A-list.
I think there’s a lot of potential to show three different stories concurrently – her rise, her fall, and her resurrection. In my head, showing these three intercut together could make for a fascinating drama about the nature of fame.
I wonder whether it needs more of a hook though?
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