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When she starts being tormented by an evil force,? a business woman must seek help from her husband after he is committed to a psychiatric hospital for trying to open her third eye.
The protagonist should never be driven to an unwanted transformation. An audience will struggle to get behind a passive character who just lets things happen to her. PROtagonists must be PROactive. I can't help but think that the husband's story is way more interesting than the wife's. He's got an iRead more
The protagonist should never be driven to an unwanted transformation. An audience will struggle to get behind a passive character who just lets things happen to her. PROtagonists must be PROactive.
I can’t help but think that the husband’s story is way more interesting than the wife’s. He’s got an interesting history, a quest to find the Dead Sea scrolls, and a goal of using that to get his wife back. He is the one being proactive in the story, and in interesting ways. I feel like it’s a story about a man with a tragic history trying to win back the love of his life – just in a very desperate and terrifying way.
Could you start with him as the protagonist but at the midpoint you could flip the whole story and make her the protagonist? The lengths he goes to win her back start becoming increasingly violent and this sets up the wife’s goal of escape.
See lessWhen a self-made CEO develops a romantic connection with an ageing musician she must confront the loss of her company and her own mortality to rediscover love that transcends all.
What does "confront the. loss of her company and her own mortality to rediscover love that transcends all" look like on screen? To me, it seems that this is all stuff that's happening internally, in her head. Film is a visual medium however, so how could this all be represented in an objective goal?Read more
What does “confront the. loss of her company and her own mortality to rediscover love that transcends all” look like on screen? To me, it seems that this is all stuff that’s happening internally, in her head. Film is a visual medium however, so how could this all be represented in an objective goal?
As it currently stands, confronting the loss of her company doesn’t in any way relate to the relationship with the musician. Talking about her mortality… is she dying? I feel like there’s bits of information missing that are required to understand the story completely.
The inciting incident is not just one incident at the moment. It’s the development of a relationship with someone. You could be talking days, weeks, or months. Could you bring this down to one moment? One question that is asked of the protagonist which sets up a very specific goal.
See lessWhen his fianc?e falls seriously ill, a brilliant and tortured scientist goes on a dangerous quest to find the revolutionary invention that would save her. But the feeling of being manipulated by mysterious people since childhood is becoming more and more real.
I think everything after the full stop in the middle ("But the feeling...") needs massively expanding on. I don't really understand how this relates in any way to his fianc?e. How will you show a feeling becoming more and more real on screen? I think you need to perhaps unpack the revolutionary inveRead more
I think everything after the full stop in the middle (“But the feeling…”) needs massively expanding on. I don’t really understand how this relates in any way to his fianc?e. How will you show a feeling becoming more and more real on screen?
I think you need to perhaps unpack the revolutionary invention a little. What is it? How does it save her? Why does the scientist have to go on a dangerous quest to find it? Surely, in this day and age (assuming that it’s set in modern times), can’t he just purchase one online? As a scientist, not an adventurer, why would he not just hire someone else to go and get it rather than risking his life keeping in mind that he’d be leaving his seriously ill partner?
Personally, I would consider scrapping the last bit and focussing more on the strong inciting incident and what he’s going to do about it. Unpack his goal and make it understandable, relatable, and logical.
Hope this helps.
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