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When the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.
If it's obvious your post is unclear and improper, why did you post it? One can't offer advice without even comprehending the intention. Who are the protagonist and antagonist? What is the conflict, what are the stakes? These are what's needed in a logline, along with proper grammar and spelling. OnRead more
If it’s obvious your post is unclear and improper, why did you post it?
One can’t offer advice without even comprehending the intention. Who are the protagonist and antagonist? What is the conflict, what are the stakes? These are what’s needed in a logline, along with proper grammar and spelling. Once presented, revisions and edits can be suggested.
See lessA 16-year-old ambitious dancer and her boyfriend discover that she is pregnant before her important competition and have to make a decision.
That's the conflict -- what's the story? All characters have to make decisions; it's the basis of every scene they're in...at least it should be. Loglines are the protagonist, antagonist, conflict, and stakes. These are hinted at here but not defined, and not in dramatic fashion. What's the competitRead more
That’s the conflict — what’s the story? All characters have to make decisions; it’s the basis of every scene they’re in…at least it should be. Loglines are the protagonist, antagonist, conflict, and stakes. These are hinted at here but not defined, and not in dramatic fashion. What’s the competition for? What does she stand to gain or lose, by winning or not? How does her condition affect this, will she drop out, dance with a big belly, hire a babysitter, what? There isn’t enough detail here to see what the story could be. An ambitious teenage dancer discovers she’s pregnant right before a big competition, and has to track down her boyfriend to tell him before showtime. If it’s more about whether they opt to keep the kid, mention that. Whatever makes the stakes clear, with the main character’s goal stated.
See lessWhen the feisty pirate emperor kidnaps their kingdom, an abominable feline-human boy and a weak princess must find someone in the “awfully violent” neighboring empire closed enough to accuse him to the emperor’s dubious mother before marrying their queen in a wrestling presentation.
Not clear what the story is, who these characters are, or what they're doing...not even a proper sentence. What is the goal here?
Not clear what the story is, who these characters are, or what they’re doing…not even a proper sentence. What is the goal here?
See less