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A former tour guide suffering from a rare degenerative retinal disease braves a hostile environment to reach the work of art he most venerates before losing his sight forever.
What kind of hostile environment? A meteoroid hurtling through space and a kindergarten class are very different environments but both could be considered hostile. Loglines should be specific, whereas vague phrases don't really tell us what the movie is about. Also, what kind of work of art? Could bRead more
What kind of hostile environment? A meteoroid hurtling through space and a kindergarten class are very different environments but both could be considered hostile. Loglines should be specific, whereas vague phrases don’t really tell us what the movie is about.
Also, what kind of work of art? Could be a beach at sunset or bird shit on a car window; specific details help define the tone and genre.
“…suffering from a rare degenerative retinal disease” is too long and wordy. Yes I did just say twice to be specific and not vague, but this is now too specific as one has to figure out what this means instead of immediately comprehending it, and loglines are about immediacy. This could easily be changed to “losing his sight” or “going blind” and leave the medical report to a longer summary like a full synopsis, or just the script itself. It even says “losing his sight” toward the end of the logline, thus making one of these phrases redundant.
Does it matter that he’s a former tour guide? If so, why? And why is that important detail left vague, again, in this logline? “Former” could mean anything…was it a part time job while in school, did he get promoted, fired, retire? Loglines shouldn’t raise questions, they should intrigue readers to learn more. As for the job itself, why is that important? Was he a guide at a museum and he wants to look at his favorite painting while he can still see? If so, tell us! That’s intriguing, that makes us want to know more about his guy and his struggles.
See lessA team of intrepid explorers develop the first faster than light drive to take humanity to the stars. The only thing in their way is humanity itself.
Okay...so what happens? How is humanity an obstacle in this story? What are the personal stakes for one or all of these intrepid folks? Loglines should be one sentence, and faster-than-light should be hyphenated in this context. Would the explorers really be the ones to develop the technology? Are tRead more
Okay…so what happens? How is humanity an obstacle in this story? What are the personal stakes for one or all of these intrepid folks?
Loglines should be one sentence, and faster-than-light should be hyphenated in this context.
Would the explorers really be the ones to develop the technology? Are they engineers and scientists in their spare time? This may seem like a minor thing to pick on but a logline with questionable logic means people are questioning aspects of the story rather than being intrigued by them. Also remember how terrible Fant4stic is, with those who build the thing deciding to be the ones who use it.
While this does successfully establish the genre, it doesn’t provide much in the way of the four main things it needs: protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes. One method of crafting a quality logline is to write a big long rambling run-on sentence summarizing all the necessary detail, then trim it down and juggle the phrasing until it’s packed with information but clear and succinct.
See lessAfter a NDE a social media executive weighted with the ability to see past lives and now tasked with healing her “soul family” uses her position to embed herself in the lives of those around her to circumvent karma that foreshadows current life situations that could tragically repeat past life patterns.
Way too long and with rather poor grammar, plus the apparent inciting incident is an abbreviation without explanation...how is anyone supposed to understand the character or story if they don't know what NDE means? I personally have no clue what that's supposed to stand for, but it must be importantRead more
Way too long and with rather poor grammar, plus the apparent inciting incident is an abbreviation without explanation…how is anyone supposed to understand the character or story if they don’t know what NDE means? I personally have no clue what that’s supposed to stand for, but it must be important as it’s the first thing mentioned…though starting a logline with “After” makes it sound like that event isn’t even in the story. Just give us the major elements in as short a sentence as is clear and proper.
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