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An elite member of the galactic Special Forces is wrongly convicted for a crime committed by a congressman?s son. His attorney must convince the congressman of his innocence, while he serves his sentence at an experimental prison camp.
Too many words, too many sentences. Cut back, simplify. Who's the antagonist, the congressman? What's experimental about the prison? You don't have to tell the whole story, but what you do tell has to be clear, intriguing, and brief.
Too many words, too many sentences. Cut back, simplify. Who’s the antagonist, the congressman? What’s experimental about the prison? You don’t have to tell the whole story, but what you do tell has to be clear, intriguing, and brief.
See lessAn elite member of the galactic Special Forces is wrongly convicted for a crime committed by a congressman?s son. His attorney must convince the congressman of his innocence, while he serves his sentence at an experimental prison camp.
Too many words, too many sentences. Cut back, simplify. Who's the antagonist, the congressman? What's experimental about the prison? You don't have to tell the whole story, but what you do tell has to be clear, intriguing, and brief.
Too many words, too many sentences. Cut back, simplify. Who’s the antagonist, the congressman? What’s experimental about the prison? You don’t have to tell the whole story, but what you do tell has to be clear, intriguing, and brief.
See less