1. Posted: July 13, 2017In:

    When an anxious recluse agrees to take his cancer-fighting friend on one last adventure, he doesn?t bank on having his beliefs, loyalties and survival skills challenged when she falls fatally ill.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Why is her invite and dare such a strongly motivator for the MC? It comes across as a weak inciting incident. What more a significant event can you give the MC?

    Why is her invite and dare such a strongly motivator for the MC? It comes across as a weak inciting incident. What more a significant event can you give the MC?

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  2. Posted: July 16, 2017In:

    The Story about A detective who gets terribly injured during the operation, he goes to Coma. After a Month, he becomes conscious and he realizes that he gains a strange skill that he can contact to corpses that murdered.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Agreed with DPG. Also, it reads as if him gaining the special corpse talking power is the inciting incident so best you mention that first and then what he intends to do with his new found ability.

    Agreed with DPG.

    Also, it reads as if him gaining the special corpse talking power is the inciting incident so best you mention that first and then what he intends to do with his new found ability.

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  3. Posted: July 17, 2017In:

    When her reclusive father dies without a will, his washed-up rodeo queen daughter must gather her estranged siblings in order to settle his estate.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    This sounds like an interesting setup for a drama, but the story needs to have a clear obstacle for her to overcome. Currently, I'm not sure what the main conflict is going to be.

    This sounds like an interesting setup for a drama, but the story needs to have a clear obstacle for her to overcome.
    Currently, I’m not sure what the main conflict is going to be.

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