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An immortal warrior-princess from another universe unexpectedly falls in love with a human boy while hunting the shapechanger that murdered her parents.
Most has been commented on already but in case this helps as well. It is a bit confusing as to how the daughter of a dead couple can be immortal? Although fantasy allows for such logic leaps through the specific mechanics of an alternate reality it may be best left out of the logline. May be good toRead more
Most has been commented on already but in case this helps as well.
It is a bit confusing as to how the daughter of a dead couple can be immortal? Although fantasy allows for such logic leaps through the specific mechanics of an alternate reality it may be best left out of the logline.
May be good to clarify the type of story being either revenge or love based and accordingly change the order of the logline.
If it is a revenge story then perhaps start with the inciting incident such as the parents murder and then bring in the hero giving chase imbuing her with motivation to clash with the antagonist. In which case maybe don’t mention the love interest, which could very well be the B plot.
EG: When her parents murderer is at large a warrior princes seeks revenge throughout the universe etc?
If it is a love story then start with the inciting incident of meeting the boy and only insinuate the revenge B plot if at all.
Hope this helps, Nir.
See lessA woman with a troubled past is contacted repeatedly by a serial killer who seems to know her deepest secrets.
Hi Kevin. From your logline it appears as if the woman lacks a clearly defined goal all be it a serial killer is contacting her, which indeed is a scary notion. But is he "coming" for her? Will she stop him? Will she put up a fight to stay alive? Etc. Secondly who/what is she? This goes back to prevRead more
Hi Kevin.
From your logline it appears as if the woman lacks a clearly defined goal all be it a serial killer is contacting her, which indeed is a scary notion. But is he “coming” for her? Will she stop him? Will she put up a fight to stay alive? Etc.
Secondly who/what is she? This goes back to previous comments given but; how does this help her achieve the goal? Then we will know what the story is going to be about.
Lastly, and I hate to repeat again previous well-written comments, but; does she know this is in fact a serial killer contacting her? If so may be a good thing to infer how. Perhaps her past has come back to haunt her or the killer has come for her again after a previous failed attempt. Other wise there is not much of a reason for her to be fearful and the log line won’t indicate a potential for tension. As most sociopaths/serial killers are quite charming until end of act 2 or in real life a “chance” encounter in a dark alley.
Hope this helps, Nir.
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