The number of times we see “…his life is turned upside down…” in a logline is staggering. Normally, this overused description is the telltale sign of an underdeveloped obstacle.

Also, what does trying to move on with his life mean in practical terms? As this could mean any number of things, it’s a vague goal and one that seemingly has no end – there is no one visual image I can imagine that expresses beyond doubt a move on in one’s life.

Loglines are about describing definitive and visual actions and events, not vague ambitions.

Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar and read more threads on this site – there’s a lot of information available on loglines.

Even after your explanation, there doesn’t seem to be a story in the concept.

What you do have is part of a premise – an ex-con falls for aa pedophile’s sister. It’s almost a boy meets girl plot, where the boy has a dark past, and presumably, his past will keep them apart somehow. Whether it’s his criminal record, his child abuse experience or his need to kill her brother, it’s something about him that’s preventing them from getting together. He has to overcome said force for the sake of their relationship. Since these are all inner forces keeping them apart, it’s not very cinematic.

Otherwise, if it’s not the love story, what is his goal? To make it to the end of his parol period without committing a crime, doesn’t seem very compelling. If this is the case, the inciting event is his release from jail – a fact he knew was going to happen on a particular day. In other words, this is not an out of the ordinary event that changed his world and made him need to take action for fear of a consequence.